On the Edge of Eternity

Accessing Ever-Present Help

2008-04-15T12:32:00.002-04:00

My wife is graduating in less than three weeks - she's felt a growing calling to work for the Coalition for Christian Outreach for years, but now she's faced with the possibilities of taking a pioneering new position a state away, an uninterestingly athletic-centered position an hour away, or a position a half-hour away for which she would have to raise her whole salary. My sister's boyfriend is graduating in less than three weeks - he's pursued a desire to go into music education and is now faced with the harshness of that job market for those without experience. My best man is graduating in about a month - he's done a great job getting a degree in accounting and history, but now wants to pursue ministry and is weighing going to seminary in state, going to seminary out of state, or working for the CCO somewhere in western Pennsylvania. All of these changes involve losing the safety and security involved with calling a place home for years and calling education work for almost an entire lifetime.

Faced with complete uncertainty about where to live and what to pursue, it's easy to worry. Worry. Worry is bad, sinful even. It shows a lack of trust in God, says the Christian. And the commonly verbalized solution is to give the situation to God. Just pray and trust. But as I consider this overly-simplistic description of the problem and proposed solution, I think that there are some important aspects of this process that are too-often glossed over: namely, the viewpoint from which we're truly able to give things over to God and what our lives should look like after we've given it over to God.

I don't think you can just be anywhere at anytime and offer something up to God so that, poof, it's no longer a worry. I'm not going to sugarcoat things - I've heard many other people describe the year after college as the hardest year in life, and so far, I would certainly agree with that. In college, you're still very protected from the financial and business worlds that say, "Give us what we want, and we'll give you everything you can imagine - don't give us what we want, and you're nothing." Obviously it's not quite extreme - there's a spectrum - but from the world's perspective, on one end you have no valuable skills and can't afford food or a place to live, and on the other you're everything anyone could ever hope to be and have anything you want. Home can be even that much more lonely, work that much more meaningless, and hope that much more scarce.

I started listening to a series on Ecclesiastes on the one28 podcast, which is free in case you'd like to check out a talk or two - I'd recommend the first two, I think they're about the best - and have felt very much more free in realizing that life isn't supposed to be simply happy and fulfilling. The Bible couldn't be more direct - everything is meaningless and nothing under the sun can fulfill you. We're not made for this life! We're not meant to feel great all the time! The things around us aren't meant to be our hope and our comfort and our security. There's a time for everything, including sadness, failure, and frustration. Encountering those doesn't mean that God loves you or that there's something wrong with you - everyone experiences those thing. As a wise elder told me recently, failure is probably one of the most undervalued things in life - it's meant to be a learning a tool, and often, the more you fail, the more you learn. Don't consider it out of place or unnatural or indicative that you're worthless, because those are all falacies.

So the place from which we're able to offer up things to God isn't the place where we just know that He'll get us the right job eventually - it's from the place that acknowledges that God is more to us than a job or money or status or worldly security. A lot of it's an identity issue: can you recognize that you are eternally beloved by the Lord of the Universe and rest in that or are you only comfortable with that so long as God gives you what you want? I'd encourage you to study Ecclesiastes to supplement this point.

Now that we've at least touched on a little bit of what place you should be in that will enable you to give something up to God, I want to discuss two changes that should happen in your life once you have put your faith in Him. The faith in a chair analogy is simple but relates so much: if you have faith that a chair can hold you up, you're willing to sit in it. These two changes show that you're sitting in God's chair.

The first one is fairly short and simple: replace your worry with something else. Many people throughout history have rejected the Bible because they saw it as a rule book that they didn't want to follow. And Christians' too often play right into that hand by not recognizing that, with everything in Scripture, it's not about avoiding this and not doing that, but it's about REPLACING fallenness and brokenness with what is right and true. To apply this more to you, you can't expect there to just be a vacuum in your mind; you can't go home after student teaching and just cook and watch TV and expect to not worry. The worrying needs to be replaced with something. And that something shouldn't be limited to looking for a job or working to enhance your future. Take time to think and pray about how God can use you to be a minister now. I recently taught a lesson on Psalm 1, so I've been thinking about the first word of that Psalm: blessed. This world says "blessed are those with respectable jobs who make a lot of money," and God's Word says, "blessed are the merciful, the peacemakers, the meek, the poor in spirit," and, in the instance of Psalm 1, those who meditate on the law of the Lord. Not blessed like some ethereal unnoticable dash of fairy dust, but blessed like joy/happyness because this is how we're meant to live. So I'd encourage you to be busy, not necessarily with planning for your future, but with whatever God is calling you to do or with whoever God is calling you to invest in.

And finally, but probably most importantly, the other change that should happen in your life is that you take steps forward and wait for God to provide a path. The place where I really learned this is from 1 Samuel 14, but you really have to read at least back to chapter 13 to get the point. Basically Israel's first new king got them into a big mess with the Philistines - by big mess, I mean three-thousand Israelites against three-thousand chariots, six thousand charioteers, and soldiers as numerous as the sand on the seashore. But instead of resting in God, waiting for Samuel to make the burnt offering to the Lord and then attacking in faith, Saul impatiently made the offering himself and then fearfully did not attack - exactly the opposite of what should've happened. But his son Jonathan, simply took a path forward step-by-step, waiting for God to show him His will.

14:6-10 is the key passage: "Jonathan said to his young armor-bearer, 'Come, let's go over to the outpost of those uncircumcised fellows. Perhaps the Lord will act in our behalf. Nothing can hinder the Lord from saving, whether by many or by few.' 'Do all that you have in mind,' his armoer-bearer said. 'Go ahead; I am with you heart and soul.' Jonathan said, 'Come then; we will cross over toward the men and let them see us. If they say to us, "Wait there until we come to you," we will stay where we are and not go up to them. But if they say, "Come up to us," we will climb up, because that will be our sign that the Lord has given them into our hands."

I realize that this is narrative and that we can't be too specific in applying it. But God often uses opportunities that we give Him when we explore, take steps forward, seek out what His will might be. And for job-searching, I can't emphasize enough that taking steps forward means meeting people (going to job fairs, visiting schools, etc.) and talking with people (making phone calls to several different places, not once, but several times). So much depends on who you know. And you can't be afraid to look into things that initially look unappealing or like they don't fit you or what you're looking for. God is a God who stretches and challenges, but in the midst of those things are love and care. It's not our job to protect ourselves - it's just our job to serve Him (reminds me of the end of Ecclesiastes).

So again, hopefully some food for thought. I'd really encourage you to take some time to pray through and digest Ecclesiastes 1-3 and 1 Samual 13-14, as well as thinking about what your mind should be filled with instead of worry.

A First Foray into the Political Arena

2008-01-16T12:00:00.000-05:00

Some of my fondest memories from my educational experience via liberal arts studies at Washington & Jefferson College are of reading and discussing collections of essays on issues central to life. As a part of my major in Information Technology Leadership, students were appropriately required to read several essays about leadership: what it is and what it's not from different people in different places at different times. One of the messages to which I've returned at several points over the past few years is that leadership is not administration: leaders will forever face the demands of daily details, but to continue to lead, they must free themselves of the urgent to pursue what is ultimately and ideally important.

It is with that understanding of leadership that I enter the political arena of 2008 - I seek a President who has the ability to overcome all of the fear and red tape in Washington in order to achieve radical change. I admit that I am a youthful idealist who is not well-read when it comes to politics - the majority of this story is based upon research of the Boston Herald's candidate profiles.

The profiles contain information about the candidates' stances on abortion, capital punishment, education, energy and the environment, experience, gay marriage, health care, immigration, Iraq, social security, stem cell research, and financial issues. We have some options for our approach:

1) The extreme cop-out: compare the parties and one-line issues - Republican or Democrat, pro-life or pro-choice, for or against capital punishment, for or against gay marriage - and choose according to your own stances. How you can assume that anyone agreeing with you on those four issues is qualified to lead the country, I have no idea.

2) The stance comparison: read information about the candidates' stances and vote for the candidate who wants the same things you do. This approach applied in a very general fashion tends toward the first approach (i.e. "he/she doesn't want to rely on foreign oil - neither do I; he/she doesn't want to raise taxes - neither do I; he/she doesn't like the way that the United States mishandled Iraq - neither do I; gee, since all of the candidates seem to say these things, I'll just choose by the stances on abortion and gay marriage"). This approach applied in a very specific fashion ignores the reality that, no matter what candidate is emphasizing, if he/she makes it into the White House, a number of things are going to be dropped in order for the new president to carry the weight of the administrative and other duties. It also doesn't take into account the necessary role of the president to lead the country through unexpectedly turbulent waters at certain points.

3) The leadership evaluation: read information about the candidates' stances and consider the candidates' approach to the issue. Look beyond what the candidates want to accomplish to how they want to reach their goals. Do they pick their battles and choose their paths wisely? When the unexpected happens, will you trust their decision-making? Will you trust them to represent America well amidst trial and tribulation?

After examining the profiles of the four top candidates - Hillary Clinton, John McCain, Barack Obama, and Mitt Romney - I give my support to Barack Obama. The following explains both what I like about Obama's stances and some concerns I have about those held by the others.

Education: The system doesn't need more regulation, it doesn't need more tests, it doesn't need more programs, and it certainly doesn't need more criticism. What it needs most is money, Obama's stance emphasizes that. Giving students a better learning environment with building improvements and people more motivation to become teachers by increasing pay rates is an important start. I don't believe that a standardized test can adequately evaluate student progress or teaching quality, so I like his lack of emphasis on them.

Energy/Environment: I appreciate Obama's goals in this area because they are realistic - they reflect that drastic change is necessary but that it won't be easy or quick. More important than immediate change is irreversible change.

Health Care: The place to begin health care reformation is with those who are not insured. If the federal government can effectively implement an affordable health care plan for the uninsured, the first step towards a national healthcare program will have been taken. Again, I appreciate the goal of radical reform but appropriate acknowledgement that it will not be immediate. Giving families control of their own health-care dollars is nonsensical - then it's no longer health insurance but a savings account.

Iraq: The United States has played an overly-important role in Iraq for long enough - as a part of transitioning out of Iraq and more fully allowing it to participate in the community of nations, a convention with the United Nations is entirely appropriate. I fail to see any way increasing troop strength and defense spending will have a positive impact.

Social Security: The "to each his own" philosophy permeating the attempts to privatize healthcare is not necessarily right - if well-organized, the federal government should be able to make Social Security and Medicare work.

Stem-Cell Research: I disagree that embryonic stem cell research should be legal.

Taxes: One of the most blatant problems with Obama is that his proposed reforms cost more than his tax and budget stances will bring in. I'm very much in favor of not further complicating tax law with additional credits and charges, though. I wish more politicians were in favor of drastically simplifying the ways in which the federal government receives funds.

Again, after looking at not only the goals but also the methods of Obama, I would choose to vote for him before any of the other main candidates at this time. Mostly it just feels good for me to take time to digest and conclude in the area of politics, something I haven't done before. I would encourage you to take time to do the same.

I Want to Think

2007-09-08T20:36:00.000-04:00

It's been a summer full of bloglessness and corresponding thoughtlessness. Truth: I haven't blogged this summer - falsehood: I haven't thought this summer. But I return to this place because I need to be challenged to pursue deeper thoughts and completed ideas. Inspiration: "the desperate need today is not for a greater number of intelligent people, or gifted people, but for deep people" - Richard Foster.

But I can't do deepness simply to be deep or intelligence just to appear intelligent or wittyness only to seem witty - the solution can't be to put on characteristics to hide my own. But then all I'm left with is me. And I can dedicate myself to work and pursue great achievements in business and church and writing and music, but I can't help but wonder, is that really what this world needs?

I've been enjoying God's Word poured out in the form of the book of Colossians during breakfasts. In the first section Paul powerfully talks about the goal of the gospel: it's roots took hold in the hearts of the Colossians and evident above-ground were faith, hope, and love. Paul prays for their continued sanctification: that they would "[bear] fruit in every good work, [grow] in the knowledge of God, [be] strengthened with all power according to his glorious might..., and joyfully [give] thanks to the Father." That's a beautiful description of the maturing of a Christian. I love it.

Then we hit " ¹⁵He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. ¹⁶For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. ¹⁷He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. ¹⁸And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. ¹⁹For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, ²⁰and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross." And I get lost.

My first inclination is to skim over this passage, because I "know" who Jesus is. I've "studied" this before. I "understand" what it says. I'm perfectly content to retain any energy I might lose at discovering connections to other parts of scripture or uncovering implications on my view of this world.

Listened to a sermon on Genesis 6 the other day in which the pastor discussed the importance of a God-judge by seeking to prove that all the alternatives had even worse consequences. I need to listen to it again. The question is, when is the last time you appreciated the flood narrative's implications on your reactions towards violence and injustice and your hope in God's justice and judgment.

Easy for me to say, but what I wouldn't give to again have a youthful, active, open, learning, focused mind. In many ways it's appropriate that I lost (at least some of) mine.

There's this part of Hosea that records God saying "Because you have rejected knowledge, I also reject you as my priests; because you have ignored the law of your God, I also will ignore your children. The more the priests increased, the more they sinned against me; they exchanged their Glory for something disgraceful." Exchanged - they wanted to. God gave them what they wanted: no relationship with Him.

Exchanged. A lot of times growing up all I wanted was an escape. I was a good students, I had some valuable friends and a loving family, but I wanted an easier, more fun environment, and I found it in the world of computer games. Simple button-pressing and puzzle solving. Show me some graphics and plop a story-line in my head.

And now as I continue to grow in appreciation for the fullness of life and it's intricacies and beauty, I find myself at a loss to be the bright thinker I once was.

Been looking through Deuteronomy a bit this summer too. Scary part (sorry - it's long): "However, if you do not obey the LORD your God and do not carefully follow all his commands and decrees I am giving you today, all these curses will come upon you and overtake you: You will be cursed in the city and cursed in the country. Your basket and your kneading trough will be cursed. The fruit of your womb will be cursed, and the crops of your land, and the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks. You will be cursed when you come in and cursed when you go out. The LORD will send on you curses, confusion and rebuke in everything you put your hand to, until you are destroyed and come to sudden ruin because of the evil you have done in forsaking him. The LORD will plague you with diseases until he has destroyed you from the land you are entering to possess. The LORD will strike you with wasting disease, with fever and inflammation, with scorching heat and drought, with blight and mildew, which will plague you until you perish. The sky over your head will be bronze, the ground beneath you iron. The LORD will turn the rain of your country into dust and powder; it will come down from the skies until you are destroyed. The LORD will cause you to be defeated before your enemies. You will come at them from one direction but flee from them in seven, and you will become a thing of horror to all the kingdoms on earth. Your carcasses will be food for all the birds of the air and the beasts of the earth, and there will be no one to frighten them away. The LORD will afflict you with the boils of Egypt and with tumors, festering sores and the itch, from which you cannot be cured. The LORD will afflict you with madness, blindness and confusion of mind. At midday you will grope about like a blind man in the dark. You will be unsuccessful in everything you do; day after day you will be oppressed and robbed, with no one to rescue you. You will be pledged to be married to a woman, but another will take her and ravish her. You will build a house, but you will not live in it. You will plant a vineyard, but you will not even begin to enjoy its fruit. Your ox will be slaughtered before your eyes, but you will eat none of it. Your donkey will be forcibly taken from you and will not be returned. Your sheep will be given to your enemies, and no one will rescue them. Your sons and daughters will be given to another nation, and you will wear out your eyes watching for them day after day, powerless to lift a hand. A people that you do not know will eat what your land and labor produce, and you will have nothing but cruel oppression all your days. The sights you see will drive you mad. The LORD will afflict your knees and legs with painful boils that cannot be cured, spreading from the soles of your feet to the top of your head. The LORD will drive you and the king you set over you to a nation unknown to you or your fathers. There you will worship other gods, gods of wood and stone. You will become a thing of horror and an object of scorn and ridicule to all the nations where the LORD will drive you. You will sow much seed in the field but you will harvest little, because locusts will devour it. You will plant vineyards and cultivate them but you will not drink the wine or gather the grapes, because worms will eat them. You will have olive trees throughout your country but you will not use the oil, because the olives will drop off. You will have sons and daughters but you will not keep them, because they will go into captivity. Swarms of locusts will take over all your trees and the crops of your land. The alien who lives among you will rise above you higher and higher, but you will sink lower and lower. He will lend to you, but you will not lend to him. He will be the head, but you will be the tail. All these curses will come upon you. They will pursue you and overtake you until you are destroyed, because you did not obey the LORD your God and observe the commands and decrees he gave you."

Father, I can't pay the price for my sins, but I praise you for providing a spotless lamb whose blood covers me. The consequences of my idolatry is still scary, but I know you call me not to live in fear but to see that Your perfect love drives out fear. May I never abuse or fail to appreciate Your mercy and grace - may I never exchange my Glory for others' empty promises for fulfillment. I pray for your forgiveness for not seeking Your glory with all of my mind - I pray that what is lost can be found - please open my mind again to seeing You in this place. May my identity not be found in my inward depth or my outward achievements or my personal devotion, but may it be found in Your love for me. May I always delight in seeing and walking in Your ways.

"Now all has been heard - here is the conclusion of the matter: honor God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man."

Enough

2007-05-19T21:50:00.000-04:00

I graduated from college today: I am an alum of Washington & Jefferson College, and I'm armed with the diploma to prove it. I'm more than tempted to delve into a reflection of my college years or an evaluation of college education as I knew it, but choosing either of those paths would most likely lead me to writing for about an hour before giving up on the entry as being insufficient to point anyone towards rightness. Instead, I'd like to express dissatisfaction with discussing weighty issues, frustration with abusing huge words, and disgust with the lack of fighting for Truth.

Rabbi Leonard I. Beerman was invited to speak at the baccalaureate service and was awarded an honorary degree for his involvement in issues of peace and justice, and the world would be a better place with more like him. Like him in the sense that conviction leads to action. Too many families would be more than satisfied to have a cohesive discussion on the drive home about his experiences and challenges. It's not enough. I remember a few weeks back when I attended a discussion session and prayer vigil in response to the shooting at Virginia Tech. Overall the time was well-spent - I'm thankful I was able to attend - but too many students left filled with satisfaction from the meaningful discussion and passionate prayer instead of conviction about using the power vested in us in to counterbalance such evil as much as we possibly can. Pondering isn't enough, questions aren't enough, discussion isn't enough - they're only as worthwhile as they cause changed hearts and changed lives.

Admittedly overgeneralizing, the speeches during baccalaureate and commencement were self-centered reflections aimed at making people feel good. Stories about the speaker that amuse and entertain. But sprinkled through, to add just a taste of meaning, are words that stand for so much, that hold so much weight. Light, life, faith, hope, love are just awe-inspiring concepts to ponder and hear discussed. Throwing them around to add a sense of spirituality and depth to an otherwise shallow speech is equivalent to abusing and diluting the core positives of humanity. These words don't just entail what feels good in life and shouldn't simply prompt warm-fuzzies - they're meaningful, more full of meaning than probably every other word in the English language. Huge. But it isn't, it can't be enough to mention them - these words are worthy of learning about and living out at all times with all that we are.

Absent from the speeches were direct challenges or teachings. A predictable effect of a relativistic society: blatant avoidance of the discussion of Truth. Apparent speaker logic: I only have the right to know truth for myself from my experiences, so I'll use those reflections to make an entertaining speech. Does anyone want to be challenged? Does anyone have faith that Truth not only exists, but that it's knowable? Does anyone want to continue the discussion of what's right and wrong, what's wise and what's stupid, what's best and what's not, with the willingness to admit wrongs, learn from those who know better, and live according to the revealed answers? Anything less is not enough.

Anthem: Luke 23:46

2007-04-09T13:43:00.000-04:00

Bleach poses an important question in the last song of their self-titled album: What will your anthem be?

"When the glitter fades, it fades so fast -
What really lasts, what will the anthem be?
Did we sing of rock and roll?
Did we sing if sacred souls?
Has the heart and the harmony met pleasingly?

When the flicker fades, it fades so fast
Nothing is left. What will be legacies?
Cause guitars burn you see,
Recollect no memories
Of the lights and the cheers and the human vanity....

Here it is, let the truth be told;
Here it is, we would like to know;
Here it is, what will the anthem be?
What will your anthem be?
What will our anthem be?
What will the anthem be?"

I recently offered a reflection on Luke 23:46, where Jesus offers the last words of "Father, into Your hands I lift my spirit," for a Good Friday service at a local church, and I'll offer here two of the lives that came to mind.

In a time not so long ago, in a place not so far from here, a child grew up saying a nightly prayer with his beloved grandmother: "Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. And if I should die before I wake, I ask the Lord my soul to take." But before long, his life changed to one of more awareness and power, and his tune changed to one written by Bon Jovi: "It's my life - it's now or never. I ain't gonna live forever. I just want to live while I'm alive. It's my life. My heart is like an open highway. Like Frankie said, I did it my way. I just want to live while I'm alive. It's my life." He did his best to live while he was alive and died young after losing control of his car after a night at the bar.

In a time much longer ago, in a place much farther away, a Jewish child grew up saying what was then a common bedtime prayer, taken from Psalm 31: "Since you are my rock nad my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me. Into your hands I commit my spirit." And that remained his prayer as his life led Him to an injust and shameful death on a cross, where He remained faithful to his prayer: "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit."

How can we consider ourselves good when we all adopt the same anthem? How can we consider ourselves good when we, like Adam and Eve, say "It's my life" and pursue enjoyment in ways God forbids that only lead to our despair? How can we consider ourselves good when we, like David, say "It's now or never - I ain't gonna live forever" and override God's commands to avoid something our heart longs for so that we can eventually writhe in grief? How can we consider ourselves good when we, like Judas, say "I just want to live while I'm alive" and betray our Lord for our own "gain" that eventually becomes our destruction. Our anthem so quickly fades into one of selfishness; our hearts so quickly fade into deception; our pleasures so quickly fade into our shame.

Jesus death isn't about working harder to overcome these faults. We aren't sinners because we sin - we sin because we're sinners. Jesus points out that it's not what goes into a person that makes him unclean, but what comes out - that our hearts are unclean and out of them come unclean thoughts and words and actions: "Nothing outside a man can make him 'unclean' by going into him. Rather, it is what comes out of a man that makes him 'unclean'" (Mark 7:15ff). Shaun Groves expands upon this in "What's Wrong with This World?"

Throw your stones at silver screens,
Faces on magazines -
Burn my rock n roll.
Blame my schools, my ADD,
My mom, my MTV -
Curse my chromosomes.

Put my finger in the chest
Of those who should know best
But made the worst of things.
Baby booms and presidents,
Boy bands and communists -
Everyone but me.

I'm what's wrong with
This world; I'm bent
Warped and wicked -
I am weak.
My heart's twisted,
Torn and tempted.
This world is not what's wrong with me -
I'm what's wrong with this world.

I don't need your help to be this
Devilish and dark -
I confessed I made this mess while
Using just my heart.

And it's from this fallen and broken state, from being unclean before God from the inside out, having adopted to some extent the anthem that it's our life to choose to live as we wish, that we come to a risen savior, who "being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross" (Philippians 4:6-8). We confess, as doubting Thomas', that Jesus is Lord and God who, during all of life, committed his spirit into the Father's hands (Luke 23:46). We rejoice that Jesus has been given all authority in heaven and on earth (Matthew 28:18), that "God exalted [Jesus] to the highest place adn gave him the name that is above every name" (Philippians 4:9), that Jesus is our high priest who can "sympathize with our weaknesses [because he was] tempted in every way, yet was without sin" (Hebrews 4:15).

And it's in the forgiveness bought by Jesus' blood and a righteousness that comes by faith that we too can commit our spirit's unto the Father as living sacrifices that are pleasing and acceptable to Him, coming before His throne not as enemies to be condemned, but sons and daughters to be cherished. What greater love could God have shown for us? If He's for us, who can be against us? May we never lose faith and hope that His ways are better than are ways, His thoughts higher than our thoughts, and His plans are bringing about our good.

Lead Us Not Into Temptation

2007-04-05T10:32:00.000-04:00

James seems crazy when he instructs the brothers to "consider it pure joy [...] when [they] face trials of many kinds" (1:2).

There are plenty of examples throughout the Bible of people who didn't pass the tests and then faced extreme consequences. Throughout Israel's forty years in the desert, God "tested [them] in order to know what was in [their] heart, whether or not they would keep His commands" (Deuteronomy 8:2), and they repeatedly disobeyed, were punished, repented, as no one who left Egypt but the faithful Caleb entered the Promised Land. God refused to drive out the nations Joshua left when he died and instead "[used] them to test Israel and see whether they [would] keep the way of the Lord" (Judges 2:22), and the same disobedient cycle eventually became cause for their exile. A more specific example is in 2 Chronicles 32 and 2 Kings 20 where Hezekiah is tested when envoys from Babylon visit, and his prideful showcase of the riches of Israel leads to Isaiah's prophecy that "everything in [his] palace, and all that [his] fathers [had] stored up until this day, [would] be carried off to Babylon (2 Kings 20:16).

Troubling about these trials beyond the liklihood of failure is their occasional apparent arbitrariness. Abraham's test eventually ended better, but why would God try a person by commanding him to kill his own son? Job's trial also ended well, but doesn't it seem strange to temporarily ruin someone's life to see how faithful they can be? Like the fruit in the Garden of Eden, it's about submitting to God as God even when it doesn't make sense, but that makes it all the more difficult.

And the consequences are worse than we can bear. I clearly remember a talk given by the Dean of Residence Life at my college during my freshmen orientation that indicated all behavior is acceptable as long as you're willing to face the consequences: "You're on your own and have freedom to make your own decisions. But know that there's a price to pay if you get caught." The bottom-line is that we can't fully pay the consequences for sin. Reading through Isaiah and God's extreme punishment of sinful nations including Israel leads one to the conclusion that the cost for sin stretches beyond ourselves to our communities and our descendents.

Then who in their right mind would take joy in being tried? Those who truly have hope in the Lord. Those who trust God to provide whatever is necessary to get through the trials. Those who trust that God works all things for good and uses tests to make His people "mature and complete, not lacking anything" (1:4). Those who take to heart that "blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him" (1:12).

Serious, scary, confusing, painful, good.

Walk on Water

2007-04-04T23:27:00.000-04:00

Belief verses faith.

There's something utterly sickening about hearing Christian church leaders poke around at the edges of others' doctrine, notice something suspicious, and use that as a basis for disrespecting their teachings while encouraging others to do the same. The root of the problem isn't the examination or the suspicion - it's the overemphasis of beliefs.

There's something wonderfully warming about getting to know someone and seeing their faith played out in everyday situations. The goodness isn't that the actions are rooted in the deepest and most specific theological knowledge - it's in faith being made complete by action.

James 2:14-19: What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds." Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do. You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that - and shudder.

I know too many Bible-believing Protestants who avoid the book of James and this passage because they, like the protestor Martin Luther, find it hard to reconcile the that actions are necessary in the Christian life but salvation is by faith alone. But the most difficult passages are often the most worth studying and enlightening. Wrestle with this on your own - I just want to share a few connections and reflections.

Faith bringing about deeds.

Matthew 14 tells the story of Jesus walking on water. I can certainly relate to the disciples in their initial response - fear - but can't imagine having the second response: "Lord, if it's you, tell me to come to you on the water" (v. 28). Why? Rob Bell says this: "If you are a disciple, you have committed your entire life to following your rabbi. If you see your rabbi walk on water, what do you immediately want to do? Walk on water." Does Peter believe that God can make people walk on water? Certainly - that's right in front of his face in Jesus. Does Peter have faith that God will empower him to walk on water? He sinks, Jesus catches him and asks, "You of little faith." More Rob Bell: "What does Peter lose faith in? Not Jesus; Jesus is doing fine. Peter loses faith in himself. Peter loses faith that we can do what his rabbi is doing."

It's in Matthew 17 where Jesus makes this crazy claim that if "someone has faith as small as a mustard seed, they can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move'" (v. 20).

People in the Bible are real people who have doubts and make mistakes. Some also have faith.

When David sees Goliath taunting, his eyes don't focus in on the nine-foot tall warrior but on the God's power in overcoming those who defy Him and stand against His people. When Paul sees himself chained to prison guards behind bars, his eyes don't focus in on the possible lonely and painful end to his life and ministry but on the opportunities to preach Christ in places as yet unreached and on the opportunity for God to use and deliver him in miraculous ways.

Jesus says the Kingdom's at hand, a people under God committed to doing what Jesus did: living life that is truly life in relationships and with money and in work and with time and in all other conduct, serving others by providing healing and freedom and truth and food and clothing and shelter and encouragement. Do I have faith in that? If I do, shouldn't that be shown in me meeting new people and digging deeper with old acquantainces because God can use me to bring them closer to Him. If I do, shouldn't that be shown in me living without stress but with a sense of urgency because I can make a difference in a world that has so many needs. If I do, shouldn't that be shown in me stepping out of my comfort zone to pursue experiences in different cultures and the betterment of schools and purpose in work and intentionality in rest and support for things done right and the refining of things perverted and the shalom of those around me.

It's a shame that so many let the faith and deeds debate remain at an academic level related only to justification. This is about action and what God desires to do in the world through us. Do you believe He can, and do you have faith He is?

Significant Insignificance

2007-03-20T23:06:00.003-04:00

This post was originally published at www.xanga.com/redroadhome on 4/7/06.

Me and my teams are losers. Well, at least for this year. A single moment will forever define Ohio State's 2005 football season in my mind: when Ryan Hamby dropped a touchdown pass at the beginning of the fourth quarter during their third regular-season game, forcing the Buckeyes to kick a field goal and miss out on four points. They lost to the soon-to-be national champion Texas team by three points. A similar moment broke the Lady Blue Devils season: when Alison Bales failed to block the game-tying shot with seven seconds less by an inch. Duke lost in overtime.

The effects of the smallest mistakes can certainly be so large as to determine the outcomes of extended battles and trials. When viewed on the wavelength of an entire life, though, applying such a statement seems an impossibility. Constantly considering how every "insignificant" action and decision can lead to success or failure would cause any normal person to be stuck in fear of coming consequences and unable to joyfully and peacefully live life in faith. But another end of the spectrum exists: choosing to ignore the possible consequences of acting and choosing not to act to the point of failing to have an impact.

The strangest of Jesus' parables, in my opinion, is recorded in Luke 16:

Jesus told his disciples: "There was a rich man whose manager was accused of wasting his possessions. So he called him in and asked him, 'What is this I hear about you? Give an account of your management, because you cannot be manager any longer.' The manager said to himself, 'What shall I do now? My master is taking away my job. I'm not strong enough to dig, and I'm ashamed to beg. I know what I'll do so that, when I lose my job here, people will welcome me into their houses.' So he called in each one of his master's debtors. He asked the first, 'How much do you owe my master?' 'Eight hundred gallons of olive oil,' he replied. The manager told him, 'Take your bill, sit down quickly, and make it four hundred.' Then he asked the second, 'And how much do you owe? 'A thousand bushels of wheat,' he replied. He told him, 'Take your bill and make it eight hundred.' The master commended the dishonest manager because he had acted shrewdly. For the people of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their own kind than are the people of the light. I tell you, use worldly wealth to gain friends for yourselves, so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings."

The most difficult part of the parable is getting past the master's praise of the manager's dishonesty. Abusing the resources God has entrusted to us is clearly wrong, but ultimately abuse is not what is discussed in the parable. The reason the manager is a positive example is because he was using the resources ntrusted to him for the right reason: showing love to others. Instead of hording the worldly wealth, the manager seeks the best ways to serve others, leading to positive relationships. Vital to the passage is the sense of urgency: the manager is forced to immediately take notice of his resources and do whatever possible with them.

This is a call to self-examination and a shrewd use of resources that goes against the common sedated attitudes. Youth are often especially unaware of the worldly resources God has given them; for example, I've still failed to compile even a rough list of the various college accounts and savings bonds saved for my college education, and I only have a year left in college! Taking inventory often gives a realization of how much more can be given beyond tithing to the church to spending time with new acquaintances paying for those who would be unable to attend activities like retreats and conferences to be able to participate in the growing and training. Of course the application isn't limited to money: Is your house in a central location for friendships? Do you have relatives with places perfect for get-togethers? Are there people that you know that can give you and a new friend a special deal for a lunch or a round of golf? These resources should certainly be acknowledged.

Making the best use of them involves having an attitude of urgency. The lackadaisical worldly attitude of playing video games and TV must be the first thing surpassed because we have a limited amount of time and know our resources are called for use by the Kingdom. Considering the examples of my sports teams have been instrumental in my own thoughts of this urgency because even the smallest lack of focus and will can make the largest difference in the outcomes. In fulfilling the most exciting and fulfilling mission to ever enter this earth, we can't hold anything back.

"Loser" by Switchfoot

Only the losers win. They've got nothing to prove; they'll leave the world with nothing to lose.
You can laugh at the weirdoes now. Wait 'til wrongs are right: They'll be the ones with nothing to hide.

'Cause I've been thinking, thinking: I've got a plan to lose it all; I've got a contract pending on eternity. If I haven't already given it away, I've got a plan to lose it all.

I've been the burnout kid; I've been the idiot. I'll turn the other cheek to be hit. You can take what you want from me, empty me 'til I'm depleted. I'll be around if I'm ever needed.

I wrote this song for you to show how I'm selling out. I'll take the benefit of the doubt.

Holy McDonald's? Holy Crap! Holy Crap?

2007-03-20T23:05:00.007-04:00

This entry was originally published at www.xanga.com/redroadhome on 6/23/06.

During a summer when most people in my age and position are interning in their field with the hopes of the experience leading to an excellent job, I’m working at McDonald’s. In a house in which the majority of residents are female and hold positions at trendy stores selling stylish clothing, I’m working in an 80+ degree environment greasing- and sweating-up the same two uniforms four days a week. When most of my friends are hanging out until after one and sleeping as late as possible before running to work at nine or ten, I’m waking up at 5:30 and 6:30 to start making breakfast for the folks who want fast food early (no comment on the bedtimes). And I love it: I’m so thankful for the opportunity.

I didn’t just jump into any McDonald’s. I’ve spent five weeks working at the one in Ocean City, New Jersey: a beach, according to some, that is the best family vacation spot in the United States. We’re the only fast food restaurant on the island and definitely cheaper than almost any other restaurant in the area – I’d take a value meal over two slices of pizza on the boardwalk any day. People make a big deal when a McDonald’s sells $1000 of food in an hour – rarely happens – well we did three $1000 hours in four out of four this past Saturday, one of them over $1600. We’re good.

The orders are often hilarious. The cashiers have never ceased to amaze us folks in back with creative orders that often include things we don’t even sell: add sesame bagel? We don’t carry ham to put on sandwiches. No, you didn’t need to say “No Mayo” for the double cheeseburger because it doesn’t come with any! The additions and subtractions people come up with are wondrous: “I’d like an Egg McMuffin with a biscuit instead of a muffin, no cheese, and sausage instead of Canadian bacon.” You mean a sausage and egg biscuit? “I’d like a grilled chicken BLT without bacon, lettuce, or tomato.” So you lied to me about the BLT part? “Could I have a cheeseburger without a burger and no mustard, ketchup, pickles, or onions?” Couldn’t you have just made grilled cheese at home?

The employees are always enjoyable. Some are college students like me. Edmund can make anything funny just by laughing at it: it’s contagious. Luke’s studying to be a doctor, which is really scary, because he’s always late and out of it – always cool as a cucumber, which is not so good when cucumbers don’t make sandwiches or perform surgeries very effectively. Ben’s a professional – count on him to get anything necessary done; badmouth his work and you’ll never hear the end of it; put a nonChristian manager around him and they’ll be talking about the gospel in less than 20 (these Campus Crusade folks don’t mess around). Myrick knows how you’re feeling and always has the right suggestions: he’s not afraid to tell people to chill, forget about things, focus, or accidentally break nuggets in half so he has an excuse to eat them. We’re all just here for the summer, so we’ve been entertaining ourselves with crazy sandwich concoctions that all include extra mac sauce, synchronized sandwich making, hiding runts (pieces of fried chicken too small to serve) where they’re not supposed to be, generally supporting each other in Christian love.

The real backbones of the work area have been working there for years. The main manager, Debbie, is the most fun to work with: her rambling will get even the most serious or tired person cracking up in five minutes flat. Maxie’s a shift manager who would be the one person who could most likely run the entire store by himself if nobody else showed up. (I quite enjoyed the 3:00-3:30pm period when it was just me and him in the back. He was tearing through the sandwiches as fast as possible and I was running like a madman between the grill and the back wall throwing down beef to cook and chicken to fry.) Skip is an smaller older guy who always seems to be in a state of controlled hyperness: funny voices and sandwich making faster than the eye can follow abound. People who don’t speak Bruce-ese can barely understand a word Bruce speaks, but he’s very supportive and loves running up and down the store with milkshake mix and salads and dehydrated onions and leaf lettuce and blocks of cheese and everything else people up front could ever want or need. And Steve’s a black dude who can’t keep his mouth shut 'bout ‘nuthin, which gets him in trouble quite a bit. But he’s always right, and he’s darn good at putting sandwiches together, 'specially during breakfast.

The work has been very educational. Teamwork is the backbone: usually six folks are in back, and if people aren’t caring about their work and paying attention to what other people are doing and fitting in holes and fulfilling special needs, things fall apart. Communication is essential – it provides not only the passing on of needs and hunches, but also some necessary entertainment and encouragement, lightening the mood and letting others know that you’re in this with them. Trust benefits the entire team: more jobs exist than people, so workers have to take risks in letting go of their normal responsibilities for a short time to do other things. Without trust this doesn’t work because workers are insecure and don’t want to be yelled at if things appear to start to fall apart, but when workers know their capabilities and step out to help and others trust them in that, more is accomplished. And such challenges and risk-taking make the job worthwhile: a sense of achievement and purpose comes into being when a worker does more than necessary, others support them in that and appreciate them for it, and the organization benefits.

My favorite time at work was during lunch about a week ago. One person didn’t show up for work and one person went on break, so there were five of us in back during a very busy time. Four people were making sandwiches, two on each side of the table, and I was left to do grill and back wall – a debatably impossible job, especially in support of two full sandwich lines. But our team was determined to do this after four weeks of experience together; the others trusted me and let me know what they needed. And I just plain embraced the challenge of running back and forth from one side of the table to the other, keeping track of what was down and how long it would be before it needed to come up and trying to be there when it did, put it in a tray, and get it up in the racks as fast as possible for the others to use it. Throw sixteen pieces of reg meat down, throw twelve pieces of quarter down, pull up the reg and put it in the racks, run across and throw two bags of nuggets and two bags of strips down, the quarters are done – run back across and pull those up and put them in the racks, do two more runs of reg meat – thirty two pieces, pull them and run to get the nuggets and strips. And people are filling the lobby and the guys on table are yelling and joking and God’s offering a unbelievable peace and joy in a place not many people would look for it.

That’s a lot of details about my work, but explaining my work experience certainly isn’t my reason for writing this entry. Let’s spice it up with some Bible covenant talk: “I [God] will make you [Abram] into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all the peoples on earth will be blessed through you” (Genesis 12:2-3). Reoccurring theme throughout the Bible: God blessing His people, not just for blessing’s sake, but so that they will be a blessing to everyone around them. David prayed to better know God’s salvation so he could “teach transgressors [God’s] ways, and [help] sinners turn back to you” (Psalm 51). “God gave knowledge and understanding” to Daniel and his friends and used them to bring praise to bring Babylonian kings to bow before Him. And on and on.

So how do I pass my experiences on? What can I do to help you gain from the blessings God has so faithfully poured out on me? Is this journal entry a blessing to you? I seriously doubt more than 2-3 people really gain anything from it. Do I write a Fast Food devotional marketed for high school students and takes these experiences and literally and symbolically relates them to Bible passages for growth? Should I write a corny song about the people I got to know and the lessons I learned that would maybe sound decent enough to get some attention in hopes that someone would care enough to ask about the lyrics? But isn’t it simply unfaithful for me to sit on this and not talk enthusiastically about God’s work, even if it’s at McDonald’s?

And I only say even at McDonald’s as a transition, because such a place is no further away from God and has no worse employees than any other place. We hope that we have more “potential” than to end up working somewhere like that, and we therefore need to redefine our views. Bruce and Skip and Steve and Debbie and Maxie are amazing people and employees and would have done excellently working anywhere, had the opportunities arisen. It amazes me that I can say that, if it comes to that, I would have no problem working at such a place for the rest of my life – I wouldn’t consider myself a failure, because I’ve come to see that people there are just as capable and real and caring as people in any other area of life who just happened to end up there.

I’d like to issue a thank you to Lizz for requesting more reflections, and an apology that this whole scrambled thing seemed to pop out. Hopefully whoever reads it can make something of jumbled thoughts about quick-service restaurants and reflections on making the everyday mundane a blessing to all peoples.

Ocean City Beach Bum

2007-03-20T23:05:00.005-04:00

This entry was first published at www.xanga.com/redroadhome on 6/29/06.

It's been a summer of new experiences. I had never been called "sandy" before tonight. The label came from a girl who was standing in the driveway of the house in which her family was staying as I walked home from the beach. A group of about fifteen of the people involved in the Coalition for Christian Outreach's Ocean City Beach Project had congregated at the beach after meeting in our "Spiritual Formation Groups" to chat and sing some songs of praise. Had never played guitar beside the ocean before, especially not on a hazy evening that made the lights of the amusement park and shops by the beach that much more illuminating. After about an hour people started heading back to the house, some in groups, some individually. I stuck around for a while and eventually mozied the four blocks by myself, my back covered in sand and my heart jumping with tired amazement. Big picture: little guy sitting during a big summer opportunity on a bigger beach in front of a bigger ocean that was all made possible by the biggest God.

Sitting before an apparently endless stretch of water continually lapping against land reminded me of our discussion of the nature of God's salvation in class last night: how God repeatedly illustrates His love in sacrificing of Himself to bless humanity. In Exodus 17, the Israelites bring a charge against Moses that could involve stoning. The word often translated "quarreled" is a legal term - in the day of the Israelite Judges, a person would bring a similar quarrel about another person before a judge. If the person were convicted, the judge may have personally punished the person with his staff, from which the gavel descended, or, if the crime involved blasphemy, adultery, sorcery, disobedience to parents, or genocide, the person would have been stoned. The Israelites accusation in Exodus 17: genocide - killing off the entire race of Israelites by leading them out of Egypt into the desert.

In reality, their quarrel is not with Moses, but with God, which Moses points out to them in verse two. But God's actions, instead of revealing a judging anger, as some may expect in the Old Testament, are pure grace. The Lord constructs a court setting, making Moses the judge in front with the staff, the elders similar to a jury, the people the prosecution, and as they all approach the rock, God, in his cloud, is present as the defendant. Instead of extended arguments describing accusations and defense, God�s instructions are simple: with the "god-judging" staff empowered by Himself to "kill" Egypt's god of the Nile in turning it to blood, strike the rock that may have even been inside God�s cloud so that life-giving water will pour out from it. No fairness in sight: simply self-sacrificing love.

A similar situation is presented in Genesis 15. To understand the significance of this passage also requires some historical background. In those days, when a smaller country was conquered by a larger one, the king of the larger one would force the leader of the smaller one into a covenant. The terms of the covenant were generally that the smaller nation would provide the larger nation with certain resources, and in turn the larger nation would prevent other nations from wiping out the leader's nation. This really wasn't the fair deal it may sound like today - in essence, the larger nation plundered the smaller nation every year without using an army. But as a part of making the covenant, the larger nation's king would command that a number of his foreign slaves be butchered, cut up into pieces and placed in two rows. Then the conquered nation's leader would walk through the rows in recognition that, if he were to break the treaty, the same would happen to him and his people.

Well in Genesis 15, Abraham is praised for his faith but appears also to lack some: he wants confirmation that what the Lord has promised will come about. So God sets up a similar situation, promising Abraham certain things about his descendants. Abraham, in cutting up the animals, would have recognized the setup and have expected to walk through, as the weaker one, in promising obedience to God so that the terms of the covenant would be fulfilled. Instead, God Himself walks through, expressing "May I be cursed if these things do not come true."

And the waves of grace continue to flow. God provided everything necessary to free the Israelites from bondage and sustain them through the desert, to bring about the fulfillment of His promises to Abraham, and, ultimately, to provide a just way for sins to be forgiven through Jesus Christ. If you're looking at salvation in a way that puts you at the center, wake up - this great and mighty God is so full of love that He has given and continues to give you more than you ever have or could deserve. Recognize the waves of grace that flowed throughout Scripture and continue to flow in your life and the lives of those around you, and know that behind them is an ocean: an infinite, awesome, powerful God that is worthy of all our worship and all our praise. Enjoy Him.

For a lot of people, the worst part about going to beach is the sand, which has a tendency to get in and on everything. Beachgoers complain about it and do their best to protect their belongings by placing them in bags, showering them in water, and always being careful. My tendency: get as much sand on my possessions as I possibly can. I want to remember this summer, to have it be a part of me forever; may the truths learned and inspirations felt here be like grains of sand washed up by the Mighty Ocean that permeate everything I bring before Him.

In front of our house, there's a dirty old fire hydrant. Whenever an emergency arises, some people use the usually-ignored object with fading paint to splash just enough water to postpone a disaster until next time. I can't help but seeing American society as trying to bottle-up such grace, such a God-centered view of salvation unless it's absolutely necessary, as in when twin towers fall. On the other side of the street is a large stone cross surrounded by flowers. May God be forever praised for providing an eternal foundation for salvation from which beautiful, fulfilling life spreads. And may we ever view God not as One who is only there for emergencies and is otherwise an ugly obstruction to life, but instead as the One that authors and completes the work of faith in the lives of those who rebelled against Him and deserved His wrath. Soli Deo Gloria.

Dreamlike Reality

2007-03-20T23:04:00.002-04:00

This entry was originally published at www.xanga.com/redroadhome on 8/8/06.

His faithfulness absolutely stretches to the sky. Excited to get to share some examples of it from the past couple days.

On the spectrum of preparedness, I most often fall on the worrying side: my failures to tread the fine line between unpreparedness and overpreparedness usually come in the form of worrying about a lack of preparation instead of chillaxing to the point of wasting opportunities and being an unfaithful steward. Unfortunately I was somehow cut in two and placed on both ends of that spectrum regarding my trip home last Saturday: I burdened some folks with my worries about how far the drive was and how little sleep I had gotten and how loud my car was, and I burdened others with not acting quickly to work out who I was taking home and who would have to catch a ride with someone else. Sad that such a great summer would end on such a disobedient note – still have a long, long, long, long, long, long, long way to go, I guess.

But God faithfully worked things out. He helped me stay awake, allowed me to enjoy a getting to know Jessica better, provided some Starbucksage, got me home with only a few directions, and encouraged me with the news that Kelsey and Lizz had a good ride back. The super jackpot: getting to spend three weeks taking care of Lydia’s plant Glory, jiggling Jess’s bag of sea shells, and using Hannah’s fan. I made it back, safe and sound, to the best state in the Union after ten hours of driving and eight weeks of enlightenment. I even got to catch dinner and a pizza with my dad before sleeping for eleven hours.

One of the first things people asked about me coming home was, “What are your plans?” I could only answer that I had a heck of a lot of no plans – certainly not a good thing. The danger: cramming a summer’s worth of video games in three weeks. But availability can be just as much a blessing as a curse. My prayer: give me opportunities and don’t let me miss them or ignore them. Paint them on bulletin boards; knock me over the head with them; do whatever you need to do to make me make the most of this time. Funny that that prayer would not have been possible without Lizz: praise God for how much she has to offer and teach and how willing she is to learn and be used.

Church, bright and early Sunday morning. Walk in, grab a bulletin, start to look at the first announcement, and see that the junior highers are going to Geauga Lake, an amusement park, the next day and are still looking for chaperones. While I’m doing this, Andrew Baumgart comes over and starts a conversation. I spent my early high school days in youth group with Andrew. He graduated, spent a couple years in the Navy, and actually was homeless for a while before coming back home to live with his parents. I hope the opportunity to catch up was as much a blessing for him as it was for me. Dereck Holben popped in near the end of the conversation, in just enough time before the service started for me to tell him to, since he was going to be leading worship with the junior highers, let Carl, their leader, know that I was interested in going to Geauga Lake. So within fifteen minutes of doing the first thing since I had been home, I was blessed with a great conversation with an old friend and an activity to look forward to the next day.

Monday was just as full of blessings: got to ride up with Josh, who was my closest friend throughout high school. Now a married man, I got to soak up some of his wisdom and passion (and hope that I’ll be able to continue to do so while I’m home). I enjoyed a day of rollercoasters, notably the junior high girls screaming and Carl posing. The best blessing of the day, though: running into Lindsay Reedy, a girl I had just spent eight weeks with two whole states away. Appropriate roles: always the aware pursuer, she jumped through her group of friends from high school and got awoke me from my need-to-pee-and-get-back-to-my-group stupor. Darn amazing to turn around and see someone you weren’t even sure you were ever going to see again only a little over two days later. And a darn exciting reminder that those eight weeks weren’t a dream that are going to stand alone in time and space: they’re here to stay, with their friendships and lessons and joy.

What else can I do but worship? Glory be to the One who so faithfully provides strength for the weary, opportunities for the available, and reminders for those likely to stray. How exciting would it be to be so faithful, so loving. I hear that He’s working on that in me. Thank goodness He’s darn powerful.

Enjoying opportunities on the Red Road and glimpses of Home.

The Forming Five

2007-03-20T23:03:00.002-04:00

Originally published at www.xanga.com/redroadhome on 8/13/06.

Some things change, but some things never do.

Once upon a time, the forming five would fill evenings with fun. Gathering at the Cline residence, John, Josh, Michael, Dereck and I would battle it out in Risk while chowing on some chips and guzzling coffee. Battles would be won and lost, life at Hoover High School would be dissected and scrutinized, and the Lord Most High would be embarrassed at our immaturity and excited for our promise. The strong-willed would even remain awake for some Family Guy episodes afterwards. (For those who don�t know me well, I certainly abstained from the coffee and Family Guy aspects of the get-togethers).

The five reformed this evening, an older group. The setting was the Cline's, but the activities forced us to move outside - we sometime traded Risk for conversation, chips for cigars, and coffee for Sam Adams. The high school conversations were so far gone that they weren't even missed. Instead, we heard about Josh's married life, John's time in Columbus, my experiences in New Jersey, Dereck's excitement about driving a new orange Acura to Pittsburgh, and Mike�s amazing growth throughout the summer.

A changed group, but my helplessness remained. Don't get me wrong - I love the guys and enjoy every minute of life we get to share together. There's simply a communication block, an inability to express the joy I've felt and the lessons I've learned throughout the summer, a helplessness in trying to weave my own excitement and morals in the conversation. So I sit back in quiet amazement at the blessings of others� sharing, the stories that bring laughs to the mouth, memories to the mind, and praise to the hearts of the five intimately connected manly men, sitting around a deck table on a peaceful, sixty degree summer night smoking cigars and downing some Summer Ale. As John gets more and more confused and upset at my silence. (For the record, only four are actually manly men - I'm not quite macho enough to participate in the smoking or drinking. But doing that stuff second-hand is supposed to be more intense anyway, right?)

We've certainly progressed in age, but I can't help but think that, in the larger scheme of things, we really haven't gotten very far. Sure, different jobs, different schools, different girls, but... We'd like to pretend this was a meeting of Christian legends, a group of guys who grew up together and all significantly affected the spiritual landscape of the nation. We recognized the blessings of a great church background, God's gifts in us and His Spirit working through us. And we tried not to forget to be faithful in even the smallest things to which we were called so that He would entrust greater things to our care. The line between childish dreams and Godly hope is too often skewed.

I returned home pondering the situation and doubting much substance would ever come to the five reforming as those who could truly say that they all impacted the nation, made a true difference for the Kingdom. Praise God that people know me well enough to be "trained not to believe [my] pessimism." The problem isn't necessarily our faithfulness - it's my dream. Returning home to an email from a close friend who's grown so inexpressibly much over the past year was the best reminder possible that God cares for and works through individuals. What a shepherd, to seek after the one who is lost, to lead each one through green pastures and beside quiet waters. And I sit in amazement and joy at being able to witness the work: to see God transforming Mike and Deanna and Josh and Kim and Dereck and John, to be invited to participate in each of their lives and be encouraged by what God's calling them to, to be used, even in the smallest ways, to spur these individuals on towards a life of glorious sacrifice for the One who's worthy.

In this fallen world, so much changes, some for better, some for worse, but even in our skewed dreams and frustrating weaknesses, God's love remains constant: constantly sacrificially individually intimately delightful.

Real Emotion

2007-03-20T23:02:00.001-04:00

Originally published at www.xanga.com/redroadhome on 8/22/06.

Heartlessness. Just returned from seeing Disney�s portrayal of that quite literally in Pirates II's Davy Jones. Funny that someone so cartoonishly unrealistic would be the character to whom I can relate on the deepest level. In the movie, we learn that Davy rids himself of his heart because of the emotional pain caused by his relationship with his beloved. In ridding himself of his heart, he escaped the pain and allowed himself to become the ruthless controller of the seas.

Fortunately, the process seems to be going to opposite direction in me. Flash back to over two years ago during our week-long InterVarsity retreat at Cedar Campus in Michigan's upper peninsula: In spending hours upon hours with Sarah, Tim, and Rachel getting to know each other and planning for the upcoming year, I certainly grew to appreciate the unique characteristics each brought to the team. Sarah was particularly emotional, showing pieces of pure passion and pure joy and pure sorrow at different points throughout the week, all usually accompanied by tears. One night as Sarah, Tim, and I returned to the cabin, we took a twenty yard detour to the shore of Lake Huron and were awestruck by the beauty of the stars sprinkled throughout the darkest palette above water at peace, crickets chirping away and the brisk air slow dancing with the leaves. Sarah started crying and relayed some frustration at her tears throughout the week.

That reaction led to an important realization within me: that her frustration was ridiculous because her emotions were valuable, even vital to her identity as a substantial, real, down-to-earth, passionate child of the Most High. The problem with that conclusion for me was almost immediately obvious: that it was unusual for me to experience any noticeable emotion, a fact about which I was even sometimes proud. At that point I hadn't cried in over three years, seldom looked forward to anything, and struggled through life because I entered into work with dread and without passion. I ignorantly looked on the bright side: I never struggled with worry or doubt or fear. To people who didn't understand, I actually tried to explain the situation with the heartless allegory: I wasn't coldly murdering people or viciously destroying property around me - I simply didn't have any notable emotional senses.

So you can imagine my surprise when two years later at the same retreat, the song most often in my head was Audio Adrenaline's "Are You Ready for Love?": "Are you ready for love? Are you ready for true emotion? Are you too comfortable to join the revolution?" And unfortunately, those questions were more difficult to answer than they should have been. I was jealous of Sarah�s greater ability to relate and love and feel and give for sure, but it wasn't me - I was the quiet, aloof wanderer who was never brought down by attachments to others or things. In some ways it allowed her to better minister, sure, but I was okay with that. I was comfortable. It took a lot of my own stagnancy in comfort and God's work through others in their passion to truly be able to pray, "God, please give me a heart that loves fully, that fully feels everything from the deepest pains and to the greatest joys and is truly always open to vulnerability and community and emotion."

Don't laugh too hard, but it's been a scary experience - I'm often tempted to return to a life of playing computer games in a closet, exiting long enough to get A's in school, look respectable, and stuff my face. Easy. And utterly worthless. Davy rid himself of pain when he hid his heart, but he also gave up something absolutely central to his life. I'm not always convinced that the positive experiences and emotions outweigh the negative, but I'm finding that, either way, entering into and responding to circumstances emotionally is a central part of experiencing life. Please pray that I would continue to grow in refusing to run from situations of which I'm afraid or uncomfortable and instead share the Creator's grieving and laughing over the current state of His world.

Thankfulfullness

2007-03-20T22:57:00.001-04:00

Published on my Xanga on Tuesday, November 28, 2006.

Thanksgiving: I challenge you to journey beyond the question, "For what are you thankful?" to face the challenge, "For what are you not thankful?" And I certainly don't mean to detract from the opportunity to appreciate life's little blessings that are too often pushed behind the curtain of the demands of the Schedule, nor do I want to replace any thoughts about what it means to have a genuinely grateful attitude. But the bottom line is that God calls us to not to give thanks in some, or many, or even most, but in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18). Especially in such an important area, succeeding in 99% of your life means failing in 100% of it - we're all aware about how much power one or two things have to drag down and destroy.

Not approaching the Provider with an attitude of gratefulness because of ignorance or apathy or unintentionality is tragic, but determinedly holding onto an attitude of unthankfulness is horrific. Buried into each life are horrors that haunt, regrets that immediately trigger shocks of pain. But embracing pity parties when such memories surface and "hopeless" situations arise is blatantly wrong. Because in so doing, you pound an "Ignore" stamp on all of God's promises, an "Irrelevant" stamp on your relationship with Him, and an "Idiot" stamp on your own forehead.

Sure, you can easily let this slip by, not wanting to address such issues or initially refusing to believe that you'd ever embrace pain over something better, beyond. Maybe I'm the only one who in cases perversely takes pleasure in pain and pitifulness, encouraging memories to haunt and regrets to fluster and frustrate. But I doubt it.

Paul's letters to the Corinthians are certainly some of the most awkward books of the Bible. Their relationship must have been pretty bizarre, because Paul is always clarifying and restating and referring to past actions and words. But he doesn't give up or give in. At one point in 2 Corinthians after some such clarifying, he chooses to say, "Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it - I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while - yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance."

For one as socially inept as I, awkward relationships with people I care about that I end up hurting are the worst, and I can't imagine causing such pain through both challenging communication and misunderstandings. The hauntingness would almost certainly permanently pull me away from any interactions with them. But Paul is persistent and prays for eyes to see how God would bring about good in something such as that. And he sees it, and claims it, and allows God to turn regrets of negatives into thanksgivings for positives.

Just one simple example that I ran into this semester - it's not the biggest deal, but don't minimize it either: it's Paul's relationship with a large and in-charge Gentile church that he strove to love as God loved, even with regrets and pain and confusion. Choose to pray for eyes to see God's work and claim the good that He faithfully brought about from the most difficult and complicated situations. "What God has not protected you from, He is perfecting you through."

The Source of Good Moral Standards

2007-03-20T22:50:00.000-04:00

I wrote the following essay to complete an open-ended assignment for my Introduction to Philosophy class. I have two concerns with posting it: one is that people will skim it or only read parts of it and thereby do an injustice to the material discussed within it; two is that people will read it and accept is as truth. Please do neither - enter into it thoughtfully, read it in its entirety, and use it as a diving board into God's deep ocean of truth. Prayers for a decent grade are also appreciated.

James Rachels never answers the question that serves as the title for his essay, “Must God’s Commands Conform to Moral Standards?”, but only states what he sees as the ultimate conundrum: “we must either regard God’s commands as arbitrary, and give up the doctrine of the goodness of God, or admit that there is a standard of right and wrong that is independent of his will, and give up the theological definitions of right and wrong” (4). He reaches this inconclusive conclusion by examining the two options offered about piety in the Euthyphro, in which Socrates addresses the question, “Is conduct right because the gods command it, or do the gods command it because it is right?” According to Rachels, the problem with the first option, called the Divine Command Theory, is that the lack of rightness and wrongness before the issuance of God’s commands makes them arbitrary and not good (3). He finds equally troubling consequences to the second option in rejecting traditional theological considerations of right and wrong because they exist completely apart from God (4). But throughout Rachels’ discussion, he fails to mention some key attributes of God, namely the beginningless existence of the Holy Trinity, its role in the creation of the universe, and its love for the human race, which all indicate that God is the source of Good Moral Standards.

The Christian doctrine of the Trinity states that God exists in three persons that make up one being that unchangingly was, is, and will be from eternity to eternity. Inherent in God’s existence is goodness and holiness in the sense that the three persons in the Godhead have always and will always enjoy a peaceful and dynamic existence centered around each other. Dr. Timothy J. Keller describes the nature of the Trinity like this: “The Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit are characterized in their very essence by mutually self-giving love…. Each person in the Godhead does not insist that any of the others revolve around them, but rather they center on one another, they glorify one another, they adore one another, they serve one another, they defer to one another, they put the interests of the other over their own interests” (“Father, Son, and Holy Spirit”). In this existence is only good and no bad, only holiness and no sin, but the lack of the presence of the negative does not negate the positiveness of the positive. The members of the Godhead did not submit to an even more weighty and eternal charter of righteousness to make their actions right, nor did their acting in a certain way induct that action into a compilation of right actions, but righteousness and the ways of God were inseparable. This ultimate and eternal reality is the source of all other existence.

Assuming that this holy Trinity exists and created the universe, it is natural to believe that the world is designed to perfectly reflect the same mutually self-giving love. Life in the Garden of Eden is presented as a paradise where evil is unknown and nonexistent and all things live in harmonious equilibrium. Although God’s commands were not stated, they were naturally followed because it was the nature of His creation, and the full implementation of His right ways allowed for the fullness of right existence. In creating humans in His image, the Godhead imparted an innate knowledge of rightness: the fact that people seek and follow it “show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness” (Romans 2:15). The natural fulfillment of God’s ways was broken in Eve and Adam’s rebellion against God – they came to know good and evil and brought a curse upon life on earth – but the world’s design continues to plead for God’s ways. It is because of this design that inserting other authorities into Socrates’ question about piety (“Is conduct right because parents command it, or do parents command it because it is right? Is conduct right because society commands it, or does society command it because it is right?) leads one to the second conclusion, but this answer is incorrect in a God-context because the definition of right in this world has its source in His righteousness.

God, the eternal Trinity, the Creator and Sustainer of the universe, did not respond to the rebellion of the human race in wrath, but has patiently and lovingly sought after the redemption of the world. With the goal being for humans to enjoy existence fully in completely following His holy ways, in totally obeying the moral standards that have their source in the timeless reality of God’s love, He provided prophets and a Messiah, words of Truth and miracles of power, laws of righteousness and a story of love. The three members of the Godhead who selflessly have revolved around each other in good existence from eternity and desire a similar good existence for humanity do not give commands and laws arbitrarily but remain faithful to their nature in requiring what sets aside selfishness and seeks the betterment of others. Rachels’ argument that God’s command could have just as easily made lying right as honesty ignores who God is and that righteousness and His nature are inseparable. God’s commands reflect His ways and do not define what is right, but reflect the rightness that He is and that He created. It is in view of His loving and truthful nature that we can trust that His commands are good and right to follow because they reflect how this world is designed to operate.

All of the confusing objections surrounding Socrates’ discussion of piety can lead to one reassuring conclusion. The problem with saying conduct is right because God commands surround the fact that the source is God’s command. The problem with saying that God commands what is right surrounds piety’s existence apart from God. The implications of these problems are severe, but those issues can be solved by saying that conduct is right because it aligns with God’s Essence, the ultimate reality, the source of creation. And knowing that His essence is with some oversimplification selfless joyful love, those seeking to live a pious life can be confident that it exists in orbiting around others rather than demanding that they orbit around them.

Holy Bible, New International Version. Nashville: Boardman, 1984.

Keller, Tim. “Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.” Sermon. Hunter College Auditorium, Redeemer Presbyterian Church, New York City, New York. 15 Jan. 2006

Rachels, James. “Must God’s Commands Conform to Moral Standards?”

Fulfillment

2007-03-11T22:12:00.001-04:00

Tim Keller:

Early Christians in Rome had neighbors, and can you imagine this kind of conversation? This is really a conversation that could've easily happened.

The neighbor says, "Oh, you're a Christian. That's great. I love religion, all the pageantry, that's really wonderful. Where do you Christians go to temple? Where's your temple?

And the Christian would've said, "We don't have a temple. Jesus is our temple. He fulfilled it. He's the final temple. We don't need temples anymore.

And the neighbor would say, "You have no temple? Well where do your priests operate?

"We don't have priests," says the Christian." Jesus is our priest. He's the final priest, you see. He's put priests out of business. We don't need any mediators. He is the mediator."

"No temple. No priests. Where in the world do you do your sacrifices? Where do you do your rituals, the things that make you acceptable to God?"

And the Christian says, "Jesus is our sacrifice, so we don't have any more sacrifices."

Finally, the neighbor says, "What kind of a religion is this?"

And the Christian would say, "It's no kind of religion at all, because we didn't get a religion, we got a person."

Hungering for Jesus

2007-03-09T09:18:00.000-05:00

The Wilderness: dangerous to the point of being deadly, burdensome to the point of being crushing, maze-like to the point of being impassible. It's not simply the desert Moses struggled to lead hundreds of thousands of Israelites through thousands of years ago - it's where you live, it's where your life takes you every day. The Promised Land is ahead, sometimes feeling closer and more present than others. We need God's help to sustain us in such a place. When He's more than willing to provide for us, why do we feel we need to manipulate Him into blessing us? When He is the One who satisfies, why do we look to so many other things for our fulfillment?

The majority of the crowd in John 6 exemplifies rocky soil: they "hear the word and at once receive it with joy. But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away" (Mark 4:16-17). When Jesus miraculously provides them with more than enough food to satisfy their hunger, they quickly confess Jesus' greater authority and desire "to come and make Him a king by force" (John 6:14-15). When Jesus leaves, they don't relent until they find Him. But why?

Passionately following and appreciating Jesus is not a bad thing, but God is more concerned with the inward, the heart, than the outward actions. Jesus is unashamed to confront them when the crowd finds Him across the lake the next day: "'I tell you the truth, you are looking for me, not because you saw miraculous signs but because you ate the loaves and had your fill'" (John 6:26). Desire to give glory to God or appreciate Jesus is nowhere in sight, only self-centered desires for comfort and fulfillment.

If that's not bad enough, the crowd tries to manipulate Jesus into performing more miracles. While Jesus is confronting their wrong motivation and pointing them toward the meaning of His ministry, they can't stop thinking about its possibilities for benefiting them: When Jesus presents the core of the Gospel, saying "The work of God is this: to believe in the One He has sent," the crowd responds with something similar to, "Okay, we'll believe you if you give us another greater sign" - wink, wink; nudge, nudge (vv. 29-30). Even to the point of suggesting something like bread coming down from heaven (v. 31). How perverted is the desire to have God repeatedly prove Himself by blessing us; how ridiculous is it to strive to follow God only when it benefits us.

The irony of the situation is that God's already faithfully providing the greatest blessings and constantly working for our good. They're asking for something that's already been given - they just need their eyes opened to see it. Jesus' frustration is apparent: He's it - He's the sustaining and life-giving provision they desire; He's the miraculous and exciting and empowering sustenance they need. We need. When we go to God seeking selfish gain, we forfeit the fulfillment offered in knowing and following Him. May we humbly confess and repent of our pride and believe on the One who saves and changes and mends and sends, foremost for His glory, but also for our fulfillment and enjoyment.

Dancing to the Beat: A Head, Heart, Hands Approach to Leadership

2007-03-05T09:40:00.000-05:00

Last weekend, I, alongside two-thousand other college students, attended a conference called Jubilee in Pittsburgh sponsored by the Coalition for Christian Outreach. The forty-eight exciting hours were filled with nationally-renowned speakers and popular bands, with thoughtful artwork and close friends, but the aspect of the conference that has become the most important part of me is unexpectedly simple: an image of a drummer. Maybe I respected him because, although I play piano and guitar fairly well, drums will always be outside my expertise; maybe I admired with him because of his willingness to take a role in leading a primarily-Caucasian conference as an African-American; and maybe I was drawn to him because he was just that good at playing drums. Whatever the reason, I claim him as a picture of the leader I strive to be: one who utilizes all of himself to create an enjoyable, consistent beat that purposefully drives others from one place to another.

Just as the drummer’s emotional contribution to the modern worship songs and traditional hymns revealed a deeper source, so do I strive to found my leadership on a heart of passion and integrity. Growing up as a shy, often-detached introvert, my immature leadership desperately needed to learn to adopt and funnel emotion to help inspire others’ enthusiasm, and what better way to do so than to be led to volunteer with junior high and high school students. My first opportunity to lead the music at a week-long youth retreat was met with confusion and disappointment, as the youth pastor retook the reigns less than halfway through the week. It didn’t take me long to notice that, although I was a better musician and more thoughtful administrator, his passion carried over into the students’ worship and touched them in ways beyond me. Becoming more real and enthusiastic in music took time, but it was much easier than applying similar principles in other leadership settings. Students in junior high have little-to-no trouble sitting down to sing, but remaining involved in a forty-five minute lesson is another matter entirely: soap-box lectures and surface-level excitement are recognized and disregarded almost immediately. This helped to reveal the necessity of integrity: others’ enthusiasm isn’t earned by fake passion, and others’ respect isn’t deserved if plans aren’t built and work isn’t accomplished ethically. Leadership founded in a heart of pure passion directed by intentional integrity is one-third of the way towards success.

Just as the drummer’s mastery of technique enabled him to flawlessly and immediately translate thoughts to beats, so do I strive to lead with a head grounded in logic and humility to the point that vision effectively translates to action. Fall 2004 marked the beginning of my service learning experience with Washington County Health Partners, and I entered under the agreement that I would work at the office one day a week to revamp a database of all of the organization’s contacts, the needs for which had evolved dramatically since its creation four years earlier. After gaining the initial information, I dove into the work with a clear vision for what the database should become. It unfortunately took me a long time to realize that, although I had succeeded in understanding what needed to be done, I had failed in thinking through the best steps to accomplish the goals. While I was pondering my disorganized advances, the employees of the organization were wondering about my progress. I eventually improved the structure of the project and developed better lines of communication with those for whom I was working, lessons learned that I appreciate much more now than the knowledge gained about databases and non-profit organizations. Applying logical planning and humble communication to more-recent leadership activities has been paramount: the envisioned results for last year’s junior high retreat to Johnstown or this year’s Thirty-Hour Famine could have never been achieved without the willingness to share opinions, compromise on ideas, and come to an approved strategy for approaching the event. Leadership conducted with a logical and humble head that takes time to plan and effort to incorporate others’ wisdom comes another third of the way towards success.

Just as the drummer’s hands were constantly involved in the creation of the envisioned music, so do I strive to lead as a fellow participant fighting for a common goal. Mentoring college students at Washington & Jefferson College is the most difficult job I’ve ever undertaken, not because of the unclear requirements and lack of accountability, but mainly because it involves trying to assist freshmen in an area in which they never asked for help. Too often, the communal attitude about Freshmen Forum quickly becomes, “This is pointless. Why am I being forced to do this?” Mentors who only see their role as to help the freshmen tolerate the activities and the course while maintaining a safe distance from the whole situation fail to lead the freshmen into an understanding of the learning environment at W&J. Incoming students have no need of more people to tell them to try to do their best and enjoy what they can – they need others to step up and show them what it means to enter into the discussion and be sovereign over their learning and be on the path towards a liberal education. Mentoring was the position I held where I was most tempted to remove myself from the project, to absolve myself of getting my hands dirty, but I thankfully realized that it was just the situation that needed my active participation the most. I devoted myself to attending class and keeping up with reading in hopes that students would have a model of continued learning and participation in the conversation. Right attitudes in the heart and thoughts in the head are vitally important when leading, but if they fail to translate into shared action with others’, the leadership is incomplete.

So many simple illustrations exist for exemplary leadership: those liking alliteration may hold to “Passion, Planning, and Participation;” people adept with pictures may choose “Heart, Head, and Hands;” idealists can support “Envisioning over Administering.” Some of the leaders who follow these most closely may see their projects fail, and others knowing less about leadership may enjoy their projects’ success. But whether the results are failure or success, I will be able to rest if I can, like the drummer, create a beat with a source of passion and integrity, a foundation of logic and humility, and an expression of shared participation. At the end of the day, leadership remains more difficult and complicated than any story or saying, and the only way to do it better is to do it more while learning from and applying past experiences.

The Lordness of Jesus

2007-03-02T22:06:00.001-05:00

Tim Keller:

Here is another example: remember last week He says, "I forgive all your sins," and remember what we said that was? He was claiming that all sins were against Him. You can only forgive sins that are against you. So when he forgives a man all his sins, what He's saying is that "all your sins are against me."

Now what is He talking about? Over and over again, Jesus shows that all His self-consciousness, His understanding of who He is, is unprecendented. There is no one else - no human being who has ever walked the face of the earth that I know of has made anything like these kinds of claims. Honestly, you have to remember that there have been plenty of people who have said, "O, I am the divine consciousness," but they think of divinity as something that's in all of us, that's in the trees and in the human spirit. But Jesus understands that there's a God who is uncreated, who is beginningless, who is infinitely transcendent above this creation, who made this world, who keeps everything in this universe going with His pinkie, with His Word of Power, that all the molecules and all the stars and all the solar systems are being help up by the power of this God.

And Jesus Christ says, "that's who I am." And it's on every page, even in his off-handed comments. Like in Luke chapter 10 - it's a great place - there's a place in Luke 10 where Jesus is talking about demon-possession, and you know what He says? He says, "I saw Satan fall from heaven like lightning." What? You know what He just said? He says, "Yes, I remember back before the material universe was created. I saw Lucifer go bad. It was terrible. Yeah, I was around - I knew him." What?

There's another place in Matthew where He says - again, it's almost off-handed - "I keep sending you prophets and sages." What? He says, "Wait a minute. I don't say that I am one of the great prophets and sages that God has sent." No, He says, "I am the God who has been sending all of the prophets and sages. And He says, to prove it, to prove that that's how He understood, every prophet and every religious teacher and every sage and every wise-man or woman who's ever lived always said, "Thus saith the Lord." I defy you to find a place where Jesus ever says that. He never says that. Can you believe it? All Jesus ever says is - over and over again, all He says is, "Truly, truly I say unto you."

Jesus' self-consciousness is so off-the-mat, so over-the-top. It's very clear that he's absolutely saturated so that even His off-handed comments, even His footnotes, even His sidebars, everything He says, assumes that He is the unceasing, beginningless, transcendent, eternal Creator and Judge of the universe. And what are You going to do about it?

Torn

2007-03-01T14:03:00.000-05:00

I'm wearing my favorite pair of jeans today. It's an old pair, from around the end of middle school or the beginning of high school, maybe seven or eight years ago. They're not what they used to be: when I was doing some mulching for one of my neighbors, a small hole near the back pocket turned into a small rip around the pocket, which turned into a large rip around the pocket, which has since evolved into a tear from the waist to my thigh (get your mind out of the gutter - I always wear athletic shorts underneath).

I'm feeling similarly torn lately. Like Nick Seagrave in yesterday's post: one moment horrified at the nail-pounding, the next whole-heartedly embracing it.

I'm frustrated with my failure to live primarily in God's Reality. It's been difficult to discover, through all my attempts to change from judging my standing by success to judging my standing by faithfulness and being content solely in being faithful, that I'm simply not faithful. That I'm torn between two Kingdoms that remain primarily unseen while of primary importance, so much so that everything thought, said, and done in this life has an effect upon my standing in them and between them.

I'm just praying that these torn feelings result in God's surgical sanctification instead of my own bufooning backsliding.

Comforting that my Savior can sympathize with these weaknesses and intercedes on my behalf. He remained committed to the Father's will while desiring a different path so much that his sweat was blood. His hands and feet were torn open by nails so that I wouldn't be eternally torn apart by God's wrath. And those holes aren't temporary. The church has been ordained to celebrate a remembrance feast to reflect upon Christ's death, but there won't be a need for communion in heaven: we'll be in Christ's presence and confronted with those scars firsthand, the holes from which the perfect precious blood of salvation and sacrifice flowed with grace.

Hammering

2007-02-28T08:56:00.000-05:00

On my mind because of Jake's entry on receiving God's love, an excerpt from Edge of Eternity, by Randy Alcorn:

I heard the sound of someone pounding with a hammer, but it was a dull tearing sound, not the crisp, loud sound of nails driven into wood. Where was it coming from?

I heard jingling metal and looked around me and saw people pulling things from their pockets. I reached into my left pocket and pulled out… a handful of nails.

I saw now that each person had a hammer. I watched motionless as person after person positioned nails on the Woodsman’s giant feet.

“No!” I shouted. “What has he done to you?”

What horrified me most was that the people seemed so normal, even nice.

“Beautiful day, isn’t it?” a woman in a white nurse’s uniform asked me as she positioned a nail and hammered it five times until it was buried to its head in the Woodsman’s foot.

“Where’s your hammer?” asked a businessman in suit and tie. “Here’s an extra. Glad to share.”

I took the hammer. It hung limp in my right hand. After watching this for a few minutes, it seemed less horrible. Before I knew it, I was thinking about how big the Woodsman was, how distant he was, and how little he cared about me, and how he hadn’t made my life go the way I wanted, and how he thought he was better than me and had dared to cast blame on me. I took the hammer and started pounding nails into his heel, first one and then another and another.

I hammered nails feverishly, harder and harder. No matter how many nails I took out of my pocket, it was still full.

Then I thought about the Woodsman, about how much this must be hurting him. The individual nails might have felt like a pinprick, but the cumulative effect of all those people pounding all those nails must have been agonizing.

I began to weep and threw down my hammer and tried to pull away, but I could only get so far, so I picked my hammer back up and did what everyone else was doing.

For another stinging moment, I grasped the horror of what I was doing. I cried. After wiping my eyes, I grew angry at how I’d suffered, how my dad wasn’t there for me and how my family had abandoned me. I picked the hammer back up, pulled the replenished stock of nails out of my picket, and started pounding again. The more I swung the hammer, the easier it became, the more automatic. Blood of the innocent, shed at my whim and convenience. It wasn’t the first time, I thought, then immediately pushed back nagging memories to the dark corners of my mind. No – what I’d done and what I was doing were reasonable and just. And besides, everyone else was doing it.

The great foot trembled, as if in a spasm, but did not move away from me. For a fleeting moment I wondered why I was punishing the Woodsman for what the beast had done, for what I had done, for what others had done to me. But in the next moment it all seemed perfectly logical. It felt so good to be in control, to determine my own destiny, to choose to do something with my hands, something that made a difference. I was in charge, the Woodsman was at my mercy-and I showed him none.

I saw in the sky, above the Woodsman, the great general of the army of light come down and bow before his commander in chief in midair. “Let us destroy them now, Master-please.”

“Michael,” replied the woodsman in a tired, hurting voice, “you know if that was what I wanted I could unmake them all in a single moment or destroy them merely a thought.”

“But why, Master, do you not let us protect You and defend Your honor? Why do you let them torture you?”

The Woodsman’s wet eyes drooped. “Because… it is the only way to save them.”

Unhindered Expression

2007-02-18T21:37:00.000-05:00

The Jubilee Conference, held in Pittsburgh every February, sponsored by the Coalition for Christian Outreach, attended by about two-thousand college students, contains many expressions of beauty. Some of the most revered and experienced Christian professionals devoting to the Jubilee vision weave together arguments and lessons of eye-opening wisdom in the presence of those soon to enter the global marketplace themselves. Worship bands of the highest caliber lead the body before the throne of the Most High with heavenly melodies and Truthful lyrics. Prayer warriors constantly come together in earnest pleading for God's will to be done and for His Kingdom to come around and in and through the college students in attendance. Members of the college fellowships meet and encourage and challenge fellow ambassadors of the Gospel in growthful and glorifying ways too often unavailable in usual college life. Artwork abounds in rooms, on fliers, as movies.

Beautiful worship, life glorifying to the most high, reminiscent of the more-than-once-mentioned Eric Liddell quote: "I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure. " But one expression of worship connected with me more than any other.

I am a musician in the sense of being able to adequately replicate or create certain tunes or melodies with the goal of expressing a certain emotion or enabling others to lift their voices in truthful, heartfelt song. Many are much more skilled at such things than I - at memorizing and playing and creating and tweaking and uniquing and originating and moving and involving and pleasing and entertaining - and those people can create much more beautiful music than I. But the greatest beauty I beheld this weekend wasn't in the form of music, but in expression. Because the best musicians aren't those that know and take advantage of all the theories and influences, but those that can get beyond them to the point that their instruments are a part of themselves and their imaginings of the best expressions are naturally and immediately and emotionally reflected through their instruments.

The Josh Moyer Band led worship on the Saturday and Sunday morning sessions, and both times I was awed by the ability of their drummer's ability to fluidly, imaginatively, naturally, ultimately beautifully beat on drums. It wasn't about correctness or form or appearances, although those things were all present: the priority was just becoming not just a part of the instrument, as hard as that is to understand, but a part of the music, knowing the songs and the instrument and the situation so well that all that remained was to be a part of it, to give everything to God through it. I play a few instruments, not including the drums, which always made me somewhat jealous but very respecting of drummers. It's not an instrument solely dependent upon fingers or hands, but the entire body: everything's involved.

And I found myself just longing to be in a place of being grounded in the Scriptures and understanding of God's vision and connected with His body, but being able to place the focus beyond maintaining or improving any of those to just living a lifesong of worship and praise, expressing beautifully the glory of the Creator and Sustainer and Savior and Ruler of this place, and all the places on this globe, and all the places beyond this globe, seen and unseen, "known" by the human race or unknown. What a joy it would be to play life so giftedly and unhinderedly and glorifyingly not for the appreciation of the community, but as a part of the community that draws it nearer to its holy Husband.

Three Competing Realities; One Highest Home

2007-02-09T13:22:00.000-05:00

Home: hopeful, inspiring, intriguing. Too often our encounters with it or failure to enter it result in improper results. Circumstances in which we feel completely at peace and fully appreciated can be idolized, when in reality they only point to a reality more full and real. Circumstances that offer us only chaos can be utterly angering and frustrating, when this fallen world should only leave us discontent with what is and working for what could be.

Hebrews 11 offers concise stories of people who modeled faith, and in the middle of the list, the author interjects this commonality: "All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country - a heavenly one. Therefore, God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them" (vv. 13-16).

Philippians 3 offers encouragement to leave the past behind and endure the obstacles before us because "our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from tehre, the Lord Jesus Christ" (v. 20). Jesus was able to "endure the cross, scorning its shame" because of "the joy set before Him" (Hebrews 12:2), and an important part of the joy He left before His disciples is that "in [His] Father's house there are many rooms.... [He went] there to prepare a place for [us],
[and He will] come back and take [us] to be with [Him] that [we] also may be where [He] is" (John 14:2-3). Home is with Him.

For all of the excitement I gain from pondering dwelling in His house, in fellowship with Him, the home for which I was designed, I certainly struggle to apply these passages well. I'm too often given to forgetting the primary place of my citizenship and fail to represent its counterculturalness and Truth. Or I beg for the fulfillment of my heavenly citizenship in an attempt to escape the frustrating fallenness of every aspect of this world.

I feel like I've done my time in American academia: I've completed more than enough courses to graduate from college with a very respectable GPA, supposedly ready for work and life. This makes it somewhat difficult to endure additional months of classes. But, thankfully, God challenged me today with giving up the desire to move on and escape, not by accepting things as right and good, but in adopting the desire to understand and redeem.

Students are right in being discontent with the educational system in America (and probably in other places, too, but I can only speak for here): Christians are familiar with living life in view of eternity, essentially according to a higher Reality. It's from this standpoint that decisions about this world can and should be made. Those who deny the existence of a spiritual reality base their lives on the current, tangible one: what can I do to make the best of life on earth? A tragic trend that has become apparent to me is a retreat from even the earthly reality, which can be admittedly difficult and painful, in favor of a virtual one. And it's in this space where people can enjoy fulfilling fantastic dreams and achieving unimaginable success: we can become a level 52 warlord in World of Warcraft and smite even the strongest foes; we can solve all of a business' problems with a few taps on a calculator; we can reduce the functions of the brain to a memorable thirty pages in a textbook.

I don't long for the destruction of all computer games or the ceasing of all schools. I don't want to knock my teeth out with a hammer in frustration or just escape to heaven. May knowing and looking forward to our heavenly home be both a source of ideas for redeeming society's struggles and a stronghold of hope for us to endure whatever life throws at us, knowing that the Lord joyfully paid a price for us to join Him, and He's not going to exchange us for anything.

Tomatoed

2007-02-08T00:01:00.000-05:00

Dr. Tara shared the following illustrative story at large group yesterday evening:

When in graduate school, I started growing tomatoes to take a break from some of the academic studiousness. I kept them on the deck out back and took care of them, watering them when they were looking wilty, and I was rewarded with some edible and beautiful fruit. But my understanding of nurturing was completely transformed when visiting my parents: they didn't just water their tomatoes when they needed it, but took care of them with water and fertilizer and dirt and weed-protection daily - they didn't react to problems, but prevented them.

In today's hectic and busy world, too much goes on for individuals to retain control of everything and conduct everything with thoughtful order - part of life is learning how to deal with the limitations of time and energy and orchestrating different aspects into a somehow pleasing and successful symphony worthy of notice and appreciation.

Vagueness is killer. Heard a philosophy lecturer today talk about "Tough-Minded Theories in Ethics," including the Rational Choice Theory, which states that "the rational action is that for which no other produces greater expected utility." Easy: rational actions are good, and we can discern them by looking at what decisions end in the greatest amount of utility. Utility?

Applications to life priorities and time management: killerly complicated. I'll trust in the wisdom of my elders, especially those inspired to record God's words: "Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man" (Ecclesiastes 12:13). I'll strive to learn from Jesus Christ, who, during even the busiest and most exciting times, "went off to a solitary place, where he prayed" (Mark 1:35).

I admittedly have a lot to learn about priorities and order and wisdom and discernment and intentionality, but one thing I do know is that, of anything in life, a relationship with God is something to be purposefully cultivated: I pray that I set aside the time to plan fellowship with Him and walk with Him, knowing Him and reflecting His glory more each and every day. One thing I do know is that it would be a disgrace to only pay attention to my relationship with God when something in life makes it clear that I'm lacking in that area: I pray that His generous blessings and humbling love remain at the forefront of my mind to the point that my response is continual worship of and thanksgiving to my Lord and My God.

Pacing

2007-02-07T23:29:00.000-05:00

Thirty-two steps; 90 degree turn; fourteen steps; 90 degree turn; thirty-two steps; 90 degree turn; fourteen steps; 90 degree turn; thirty-two steps; 90 degree turn; fourteen steps; 90 degree turn; thirty-two steps; 90 degree turn; fourteen steps... I call it extreme pacing: extreme because it's not in one line, but four that form a rectangle. Wild and crazy. At the same time. I enjoyed a long bout of extreme pacing while waiting twenty minutes for large group to start, discontent to simply eavesdrop on Tim and Emily's conversation about transsexuals. I participated in another lengthy session of it while sharing life with Lizz over cellphone waves, unable to simply sit and talk.

Unable to simply sit and talk: not so simple. I'm on the official international list of worst phone talkers ever, and talking meaningfully in the first place takes quite a bit of concentration for me. It is not simple for me to sit and talk.

Yet I'm forced to think so by the overemphasis of multitasking in today's society. Discussing the horrific effects of equating humans with machines and comparing our behavior to their processes is for a book by someone more intelligent and learned than I. But discussing my frustration in my failure to be able to be satisfied to sit and think or sit and talk, my failure to be content when parts of me are inactive and therefore not living up to their potential, my failure to accomplish as much as possible when there's so much work to be done and so much progress to be made.

But I can't help but think that, for all of our scurrying around, we too often only wear out ourselves and the carpet.

The cure for our problems in this world and the problems of this world is not working with reckless abandon just like the cure for viral infections is not medication: some things can only be left to God to take care of in His timing.

May I apply God's wisdom and truth to the point of choosing the important over the urgent to the point of restoring others instead of exhausting them. May I not try to enact my solutions upon perceived problems but instead strive to understand and participate in God's redemption of all situations and circumstances. May I not be discontent in inactivity but in disconnectedness from the Kingdom.

Dynamic Doxology

2007-02-06T12:22:00.000-05:00

The passion of the Poet is perfection: everlasting orchestration of a melody of expression to a beat of meaning until all pretenders fall away, all detractors are set aside, and only pure artful essence remains. A Poem requires a lifetime of pondering to the point of paradigm busting, rephrasing until no words seem sufficient, and experiencing the emotion so much that anyone around can feel what is expressed therein. But this art has been reduced to a traveling circus in which only the most bizarre and attractive succeed, because people will come to see them, pay to see them. And having no money makes all other skills and talents have similarly small value. So poets write and sell appealing books of poetry that no one has time to read or education to appreciate; poets find a cultural niche in patriotism or world news in hopes to be hired by countries or corporations that support art while killing art. While Poets are forced to sacrifice their art for life: money, acceptability, accomplishment.

I can only dream of writing like a Poet, but I have experienced what it must feel like to be a Poet. Why write this entry? There’s more than enough material for people to read, that people pay to read, that offer them things beyond what I ever could. One of the last things this world needs is another webpage full of words that a handful will ever examine and no one will ever remember. After over a decade of musicianship, I recently completed my first song. There’s more than enough music for people to listen to, that people pay to listen to, that offer them more than anything I will ever write. One of the last things this world needs is another collection of notes that few will ever hear and no one will ever remember.

So why do I persist in writing? What makes me ponder the possibilities for the next chord progression slated to become a piano piece by Ryan Heimann? Faith, hope, love: necessary, but not intuitively apparent in this situation.

I press on because through my inability God chooses to shine His ability; He is faithful in transforming my ugliness to beauty and my weakness to strength. The Lord can use anything, from a sculpture by a genius to a conversation with a nobody to a text by an wavering college boy to faithfully mold the ones for whom He already gave His life.

I press on because the counterculturalness gives me joy: I leave behind the desires to be effective and accomplish much and earn success, because I’m not the most talented or most intelligent or most attractive. No deadlines or guidelines or queue lines exist here – only composing an expression of emotion that originates in the deepest part of my life and desires to serve and touch others in ways that anything outside art can’t.

And, as I’ve most recently realized, I press on because God presses on. I am His workmanship, and I can’t thank Him enough for not giving up on me, for not throwing in the towel in frustration at this hard clay that simply refuses to adopt that beautiful position that He had planned. Among billions of more beautiful pieces of art, the Potter continues to choose to work on me. Because in me He somehow still sees beauty.

So I conclude that the ideas He provides for me are more than worth considering. And knowing. And loving. And perfecting. Because as I’m faithful, I grow, and they grow alongside me. And by His grace we can continually offer others more than we ever could before. May the art in the form of poems and plays, songs and soliloquies, essays and expressions reveal God’s truth, unloose His passion, and transform His world.