Anthem: Luke 23:46

Bleach poses an important question in the last song of their self-titled album: What will your anthem be?

"When the glitter fades, it fades so fast -
What really lasts, what will the anthem be?
Did we sing of rock and roll?
Did we sing if sacred souls?
Has the heart and the harmony met pleasingly?

When the flicker fades, it fades so fast
Nothing is left. What will be legacies?
Cause guitars burn you see,
Recollect no memories
Of the lights and the cheers and the human vanity....

Here it is, let the truth be told;
Here it is, we would like to know;
Here it is, what will the anthem be?
What will your anthem be?
What will our anthem be?
What will the anthem be?"

I recently offered a reflection on Luke 23:46, where Jesus offers the last words of "Father, into Your hands I lift my spirit," for a Good Friday service at a local church, and I'll offer here two of the lives that came to mind.

In a time not so long ago, in a place not so far from here, a child grew up saying a nightly prayer with his beloved grandmother: "Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. And if I should die before I wake, I ask the Lord my soul to take." But before long, his life changed to one of more awareness and power, and his tune changed to one written by Bon Jovi: "It's my life - it's now or never. I ain't gonna live forever. I just want to live while I'm alive. It's my life. My heart is like an open highway. Like Frankie said, I did it my way. I just want to live while I'm alive. It's my life." He did his best to live while he was alive and died young after losing control of his car after a night at the bar.

In a time much longer ago, in a place much farther away, a Jewish child grew up saying what was then a common bedtime prayer, taken from Psalm 31: "Since you are my rock nad my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me. Into your hands I commit my spirit." And that remained his prayer as his life led Him to an injust and shameful death on a cross, where He remained faithful to his prayer: "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit."

How can we consider ourselves good when we all adopt the same anthem? How can we consider ourselves good when we, like Adam and Eve, say "It's my life" and pursue enjoyment in ways God forbids that only lead to our despair? How can we consider ourselves good when we, like David, say "It's now or never - I ain't gonna live forever" and override God's commands to avoid something our heart longs for so that we can eventually writhe in grief? How can we consider ourselves good when we, like Judas, say "I just want to live while I'm alive" and betray our Lord for our own "gain" that eventually becomes our destruction. Our anthem so quickly fades into one of selfishness; our hearts so quickly fade into deception; our pleasures so quickly fade into our shame.

Jesus death isn't about working harder to overcome these faults. We aren't sinners because we sin - we sin because we're sinners. Jesus points out that it's not what goes into a person that makes him unclean, but what comes out - that our hearts are unclean and out of them come unclean thoughts and words and actions: "Nothing outside a man can make him 'unclean' by going into him. Rather, it is what comes out of a man that makes him 'unclean'" (Mark 7:15ff). Shaun Groves expands upon this in "What's Wrong with This World?"

Throw your stones at silver screens,
Faces on magazines -
Burn my rock n roll.
Blame my schools, my ADD,
My mom, my MTV -
Curse my chromosomes.

Put my finger in the chest
Of those who should know best
But made the worst of things.
Baby booms and presidents,
Boy bands and communists -
Everyone but me.

I'm what's wrong with
This world; I'm bent
Warped and wicked -
I am weak.
My heart's twisted,
Torn and tempted.
This world is not what's wrong with me -
I'm what's wrong with this world.

I don't need your help to be this
Devilish and dark -
I confessed I made this mess while
Using just my heart.

And it's from this fallen and broken state, from being unclean before God from the inside out, having adopted to some extent the anthem that it's our life to choose to live as we wish, that we come to a risen savior, who "being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross" (Philippians 4:6-8). We confess, as doubting Thomas', that Jesus is Lord and God who, during all of life, committed his spirit into the Father's hands (Luke 23:46). We rejoice that Jesus has been given all authority in heaven and on earth (Matthew 28:18), that "God exalted [Jesus] to the highest place adn gave him the name that is above every name" (Philippians 4:9), that Jesus is our high priest who can "sympathize with our weaknesses [because he was] tempted in every way, yet was without sin" (Hebrews 4:15).

And it's in the forgiveness bought by Jesus' blood and a righteousness that comes by faith that we too can commit our spirit's unto the Father as living sacrifices that are pleasing and acceptable to Him, coming before His throne not as enemies to be condemned, but sons and daughters to be cherished. What greater love could God have shown for us? If He's for us, who can be against us? May we never lose faith and hope that His ways are better than are ways, His thoughts higher than our thoughts, and His plans are bringing about our good.

Lead Us Not Into Temptation

James seems crazy when he instructs the brothers to "consider it pure joy [...] when [they] face trials of many kinds" (1:2).

There are plenty of examples throughout the Bible of people who didn't pass the tests and then faced extreme consequences. Throughout Israel's forty years in the desert, God "tested [them] in order to know what was in [their] heart, whether or not they would keep His commands" (Deuteronomy 8:2), and they repeatedly disobeyed, were punished, repented, as no one who left Egypt but the faithful Caleb entered the Promised Land. God refused to drive out the nations Joshua left when he died and instead "[used] them to test Israel and see whether they [would] keep the way of the Lord" (Judges 2:22), and the same disobedient cycle eventually became cause for their exile. A more specific example is in 2 Chronicles 32 and 2 Kings 20 where Hezekiah is tested when envoys from Babylon visit, and his prideful showcase of the riches of Israel leads to Isaiah's prophecy that "everything in [his] palace, and all that [his] fathers [had] stored up until this day, [would] be carried off to Babylon (2 Kings 20:16).

Troubling about these trials beyond the liklihood of failure is their occasional apparent arbitrariness. Abraham's test eventually ended better, but why would God try a person by commanding him to kill his own son? Job's trial also ended well, but doesn't it seem strange to temporarily ruin someone's life to see how faithful they can be? Like the fruit in the Garden of Eden, it's about submitting to God as God even when it doesn't make sense, but that makes it all the more difficult.

And the consequences are worse than we can bear. I clearly remember a talk given by the Dean of Residence Life at my college during my freshmen orientation that indicated all behavior is acceptable as long as you're willing to face the consequences: "You're on your own and have freedom to make your own decisions. But know that there's a price to pay if you get caught." The bottom-line is that we can't fully pay the consequences for sin. Reading through Isaiah and God's extreme punishment of sinful nations including Israel leads one to the conclusion that the cost for sin stretches beyond ourselves to our communities and our descendents.

Then who in their right mind would take joy in being tried? Those who truly have hope in the Lord. Those who trust God to provide whatever is necessary to get through the trials. Those who trust that God works all things for good and uses tests to make His people "mature and complete, not lacking anything" (1:4). Those who take to heart that "blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him" (1:12).

Serious, scary, confusing, painful, good.

Walk on Water

Belief verses faith.

There's something utterly sickening about hearing Christian church leaders poke around at the edges of others' doctrine, notice something suspicious, and use that as a basis for disrespecting their teachings while encouraging others to do the same. The root of the problem isn't the examination or the suspicion - it's the overemphasis of beliefs.

There's something wonderfully warming about getting to know someone and seeing their faith played out in everyday situations. The goodness isn't that the actions are rooted in the deepest and most specific theological knowledge - it's in faith being made complete by action.

James 2:14-19: What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds." Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do. You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that - and shudder.

I know too many Bible-believing Protestants who avoid the book of James and this passage because they, like the protestor Martin Luther, find it hard to reconcile the that actions are necessary in the Christian life but salvation is by faith alone. But the most difficult passages are often the most worth studying and enlightening. Wrestle with this on your own - I just want to share a few connections and reflections.

Faith bringing about deeds.

Matthew 14 tells the story of Jesus walking on water. I can certainly relate to the disciples in their initial response - fear - but can't imagine having the second response: "Lord, if it's you, tell me to come to you on the water" (v. 28). Why? Rob Bell says this: "If you are a disciple, you have committed your entire life to following your rabbi. If you see your rabbi walk on water, what do you immediately want to do? Walk on water." Does Peter believe that God can make people walk on water? Certainly - that's right in front of his face in Jesus. Does Peter have faith that God will empower him to walk on water? He sinks, Jesus catches him and asks, "You of little faith." More Rob Bell: "What does Peter lose faith in? Not Jesus; Jesus is doing fine. Peter loses faith in himself. Peter loses faith that we can do what his rabbi is doing."

It's in Matthew 17 where Jesus makes this crazy claim that if "someone has faith as small as a mustard seed, they can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move'" (v. 20).

People in the Bible are real people who have doubts and make mistakes. Some also have faith.

When David sees Goliath taunting, his eyes don't focus in on the nine-foot tall warrior but on the God's power in overcoming those who defy Him and stand against His people. When Paul sees himself chained to prison guards behind bars, his eyes don't focus in on the possible lonely and painful end to his life and ministry but on the opportunities to preach Christ in places as yet unreached and on the opportunity for God to use and deliver him in miraculous ways.

Jesus says the Kingdom's at hand, a people under God committed to doing what Jesus did: living life that is truly life in relationships and with money and in work and with time and in all other conduct, serving others by providing healing and freedom and truth and food and clothing and shelter and encouragement. Do I have faith in that? If I do, shouldn't that be shown in me meeting new people and digging deeper with old acquantainces because God can use me to bring them closer to Him. If I do, shouldn't that be shown in me living without stress but with a sense of urgency because I can make a difference in a world that has so many needs. If I do, shouldn't that be shown in me stepping out of my comfort zone to pursue experiences in different cultures and the betterment of schools and purpose in work and intentionality in rest and support for things done right and the refining of things perverted and the shalom of those around me.

It's a shame that so many let the faith and deeds debate remain at an academic level related only to justification. This is about action and what God desires to do in the world through us. Do you believe He can, and do you have faith He is?

Significant Insignificance

This post was originally published at www.xanga.com/redroadhome on 4/7/06.

Me and my teams are losers. Well, at least for this year. A single moment will forever define Ohio State's 2005 football season in my mind: when Ryan Hamby dropped a touchdown pass at the beginning of the fourth quarter during their third regular-season game, forcing the Buckeyes to kick a field goal and miss out on four points. They lost to the soon-to-be national champion Texas team by three points. A similar moment broke the Lady Blue Devils season: when Alison Bales failed to block the game-tying shot with seven seconds less by an inch. Duke lost in overtime.

The effects of the smallest mistakes can certainly be so large as to determine the outcomes of extended battles and trials. When viewed on the wavelength of an entire life, though, applying such a statement seems an impossibility. Constantly considering how every "insignificant" action and decision can lead to success or failure would cause any normal person to be stuck in fear of coming consequences and unable to joyfully and peacefully live life in faith. But another end of the spectrum exists: choosing to ignore the possible consequences of acting and choosing not to act to the point of failing to have an impact.

The strangest of Jesus' parables, in my opinion, is recorded in Luke 16:

Jesus told his disciples: "There was a rich man whose manager was accused of wasting his possessions. So he called him in and asked him, 'What is this I hear about you? Give an account of your management, because you cannot be manager any longer.' The manager said to himself, 'What shall I do now? My master is taking away my job. I'm not strong enough to dig, and I'm ashamed to beg. I know what I'll do so that, when I lose my job here, people will welcome me into their houses.' So he called in each one of his master's debtors. He asked the first, 'How much do you owe my master?' 'Eight hundred gallons of olive oil,' he replied. The manager told him, 'Take your bill, sit down quickly, and make it four hundred.' Then he asked the second, 'And how much do you owe? 'A thousand bushels of wheat,' he replied. He told him, 'Take your bill and make it eight hundred.' The master commended the dishonest manager because he had acted shrewdly. For the people of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their own kind than are the people of the light. I tell you, use worldly wealth to gain friends for yourselves, so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings."

The most difficult part of the parable is getting past the master's praise of the manager's dishonesty. Abusing the resources God has entrusted to us is clearly wrong, but ultimately abuse is not what is discussed in the parable. The reason the manager is a positive example is because he was using the resources ntrusted to him for the right reason: showing love to others. Instead of hording the worldly wealth, the manager seeks the best ways to serve others, leading to positive relationships. Vital to the passage is the sense of urgency: the manager is forced to immediately take notice of his resources and do whatever possible with them.

This is a call to self-examination and a shrewd use of resources that goes against the common sedated attitudes. Youth are often especially unaware of the worldly resources God has given them; for example, I've still failed to compile even a rough list of the various college accounts and savings bonds saved for my college education, and I only have a year left in college! Taking inventory often gives a realization of how much more can be given beyond tithing to the church to spending time with new acquaintances paying for those who would be unable to attend activities like retreats and conferences to be able to participate in the growing and training. Of course the application isn't limited to money: Is your house in a central location for friendships? Do you have relatives with places perfect for get-togethers? Are there people that you know that can give you and a new friend a special deal for a lunch or a round of golf? These resources should certainly be acknowledged.

Making the best use of them involves having an attitude of urgency. The lackadaisical worldly attitude of playing video games and TV must be the first thing surpassed because we have a limited amount of time and know our resources are called for use by the Kingdom. Considering the examples of my sports teams have been instrumental in my own thoughts of this urgency because even the smallest lack of focus and will can make the largest difference in the outcomes. In fulfilling the most exciting and fulfilling mission to ever enter this earth, we can't hold anything back.

"Loser" by Switchfoot

Only the losers win. They've got nothing to prove; they'll leave the world with nothing to lose.
You can laugh at the weirdoes now. Wait 'til wrongs are right: They'll be the ones with nothing to hide.

'Cause I've been thinking, thinking: I've got a plan to lose it all; I've got a contract pending on eternity. If I haven't already given it away, I've got a plan to lose it all.

I've been the burnout kid; I've been the idiot. I'll turn the other cheek to be hit. You can take what you want from me, empty me 'til I'm depleted. I'll be around if I'm ever needed.

I wrote this song for you to show how I'm selling out. I'll take the benefit of the doubt.

Holy McDonald's? Holy Crap! Holy Crap?

This entry was originally published at www.xanga.com/redroadhome on 6/23/06.

During a summer when most people in my age and position are interning in their field with the hopes of the experience leading to an excellent job, I’m working at McDonald’s. In a house in which the majority of residents are female and hold positions at trendy stores selling stylish clothing, I’m working in an 80+ degree environment greasing- and sweating-up the same two uniforms four days a week. When most of my friends are hanging out until after one and sleeping as late as possible before running to work at nine or ten, I’m waking up at 5:30 and 6:30 to start making breakfast for the folks who want fast food early (no comment on the bedtimes). And I love it: I’m so thankful for the opportunity.

I didn’t just jump into any McDonald’s. I’ve spent five weeks working at the one in Ocean City, New Jersey: a beach, according to some, that is the best family vacation spot in the United States. We’re the only fast food restaurant on the island and definitely cheaper than almost any other restaurant in the area – I’d take a value meal over two slices of pizza on the boardwalk any day. People make a big deal when a McDonald’s sells $1000 of food in an hour – rarely happens – well we did three $1000 hours in four out of four this past Saturday, one of them over $1600. We’re good.

The orders are often hilarious. The cashiers have never ceased to amaze us folks in back with creative orders that often include things we don’t even sell: add sesame bagel? We don’t carry ham to put on sandwiches. No, you didn’t need to say “No Mayo” for the double cheeseburger because it doesn’t come with any! The additions and subtractions people come up with are wondrous: “I’d like an Egg McMuffin with a biscuit instead of a muffin, no cheese, and sausage instead of Canadian bacon.” You mean a sausage and egg biscuit? “I’d like a grilled chicken BLT without bacon, lettuce, or tomato.” So you lied to me about the BLT part? “Could I have a cheeseburger without a burger and no mustard, ketchup, pickles, or onions?” Couldn’t you have just made grilled cheese at home?

The employees are always enjoyable. Some are college students like me. Edmund can make anything funny just by laughing at it: it’s contagious. Luke’s studying to be a doctor, which is really scary, because he’s always late and out of it – always cool as a cucumber, which is not so good when cucumbers don’t make sandwiches or perform surgeries very effectively. Ben’s a professional – count on him to get anything necessary done; badmouth his work and you’ll never hear the end of it; put a nonChristian manager around him and they’ll be talking about the gospel in less than 20 (these Campus Crusade folks don’t mess around). Myrick knows how you’re feeling and always has the right suggestions: he’s not afraid to tell people to chill, forget about things, focus, or accidentally break nuggets in half so he has an excuse to eat them. We’re all just here for the summer, so we’ve been entertaining ourselves with crazy sandwich concoctions that all include extra mac sauce, synchronized sandwich making, hiding runts (pieces of fried chicken too small to serve) where they’re not supposed to be, generally supporting each other in Christian love.

The real backbones of the work area have been working there for years. The main manager, Debbie, is the most fun to work with: her rambling will get even the most serious or tired person cracking up in five minutes flat. Maxie’s a shift manager who would be the one person who could most likely run the entire store by himself if nobody else showed up. (I quite enjoyed the 3:00-3:30pm period when it was just me and him in the back. He was tearing through the sandwiches as fast as possible and I was running like a madman between the grill and the back wall throwing down beef to cook and chicken to fry.) Skip is an smaller older guy who always seems to be in a state of controlled hyperness: funny voices and sandwich making faster than the eye can follow abound. People who don’t speak Bruce-ese can barely understand a word Bruce speaks, but he’s very supportive and loves running up and down the store with milkshake mix and salads and dehydrated onions and leaf lettuce and blocks of cheese and everything else people up front could ever want or need. And Steve’s a black dude who can’t keep his mouth shut 'bout ‘nuthin, which gets him in trouble quite a bit. But he’s always right, and he’s darn good at putting sandwiches together, 'specially during breakfast.

The work has been very educational. Teamwork is the backbone: usually six folks are in back, and if people aren’t caring about their work and paying attention to what other people are doing and fitting in holes and fulfilling special needs, things fall apart. Communication is essential – it provides not only the passing on of needs and hunches, but also some necessary entertainment and encouragement, lightening the mood and letting others know that you’re in this with them. Trust benefits the entire team: more jobs exist than people, so workers have to take risks in letting go of their normal responsibilities for a short time to do other things. Without trust this doesn’t work because workers are insecure and don’t want to be yelled at if things appear to start to fall apart, but when workers know their capabilities and step out to help and others trust them in that, more is accomplished. And such challenges and risk-taking make the job worthwhile: a sense of achievement and purpose comes into being when a worker does more than necessary, others support them in that and appreciate them for it, and the organization benefits.

My favorite time at work was during lunch about a week ago. One person didn’t show up for work and one person went on break, so there were five of us in back during a very busy time. Four people were making sandwiches, two on each side of the table, and I was left to do grill and back wall – a debatably impossible job, especially in support of two full sandwich lines. But our team was determined to do this after four weeks of experience together; the others trusted me and let me know what they needed. And I just plain embraced the challenge of running back and forth from one side of the table to the other, keeping track of what was down and how long it would be before it needed to come up and trying to be there when it did, put it in a tray, and get it up in the racks as fast as possible for the others to use it. Throw sixteen pieces of reg meat down, throw twelve pieces of quarter down, pull up the reg and put it in the racks, run across and throw two bags of nuggets and two bags of strips down, the quarters are done – run back across and pull those up and put them in the racks, do two more runs of reg meat – thirty two pieces, pull them and run to get the nuggets and strips. And people are filling the lobby and the guys on table are yelling and joking and God’s offering a unbelievable peace and joy in a place not many people would look for it.

That’s a lot of details about my work, but explaining my work experience certainly isn’t my reason for writing this entry. Let’s spice it up with some Bible covenant talk: “I [God] will make you [Abram] into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all the peoples on earth will be blessed through you” (Genesis 12:2-3). Reoccurring theme throughout the Bible: God blessing His people, not just for blessing’s sake, but so that they will be a blessing to everyone around them. David prayed to better know God’s salvation so he could “teach transgressors [God’s] ways, and [help] sinners turn back to you” (Psalm 51). “God gave knowledge and understanding” to Daniel and his friends and used them to bring praise to bring Babylonian kings to bow before Him. And on and on.

So how do I pass my experiences on? What can I do to help you gain from the blessings God has so faithfully poured out on me? Is this journal entry a blessing to you? I seriously doubt more than 2-3 people really gain anything from it. Do I write a Fast Food devotional marketed for high school students and takes these experiences and literally and symbolically relates them to Bible passages for growth? Should I write a corny song about the people I got to know and the lessons I learned that would maybe sound decent enough to get some attention in hopes that someone would care enough to ask about the lyrics? But isn’t it simply unfaithful for me to sit on this and not talk enthusiastically about God’s work, even if it’s at McDonald’s?

And I only say even at McDonald’s as a transition, because such a place is no further away from God and has no worse employees than any other place. We hope that we have more “potential” than to end up working somewhere like that, and we therefore need to redefine our views. Bruce and Skip and Steve and Debbie and Maxie are amazing people and employees and would have done excellently working anywhere, had the opportunities arisen. It amazes me that I can say that, if it comes to that, I would have no problem working at such a place for the rest of my life – I wouldn’t consider myself a failure, because I’ve come to see that people there are just as capable and real and caring as people in any other area of life who just happened to end up there.

I’d like to issue a thank you to Lizz for requesting more reflections, and an apology that this whole scrambled thing seemed to pop out. Hopefully whoever reads it can make something of jumbled thoughts about quick-service restaurants and reflections on making the everyday mundane a blessing to all peoples.

Ocean City Beach Bum

This entry was first published at www.xanga.com/redroadhome on 6/29/06.

It's been a summer of new experiences. I had never been called "sandy" before tonight. The label came from a girl who was standing in the driveway of the house in which her family was staying as I walked home from the beach. A group of about fifteen of the people involved in the Coalition for Christian Outreach's Ocean City Beach Project had congregated at the beach after meeting in our "Spiritual Formation Groups" to chat and sing some songs of praise. Had never played guitar beside the ocean before, especially not on a hazy evening that made the lights of the amusement park and shops by the beach that much more illuminating. After about an hour people started heading back to the house, some in groups, some individually. I stuck around for a while and eventually mozied the four blocks by myself, my back covered in sand and my heart jumping with tired amazement. Big picture: little guy sitting during a big summer opportunity on a bigger beach in front of a bigger ocean that was all made possible by the biggest God.

Sitting before an apparently endless stretch of water continually lapping against land reminded me of our discussion of the nature of God's salvation in class last night: how God repeatedly illustrates His love in sacrificing of Himself to bless humanity. In Exodus 17, the Israelites bring a charge against Moses that could involve stoning. The word often translated "quarreled" is a legal term - in the day of the Israelite Judges, a person would bring a similar quarrel about another person before a judge. If the person were convicted, the judge may have personally punished the person with his staff, from which the gavel descended, or, if the crime involved blasphemy, adultery, sorcery, disobedience to parents, or genocide, the person would have been stoned. The Israelites accusation in Exodus 17: genocide - killing off the entire race of Israelites by leading them out of Egypt into the desert.

In reality, their quarrel is not with Moses, but with God, which Moses points out to them in verse two. But God's actions, instead of revealing a judging anger, as some may expect in the Old Testament, are pure grace. The Lord constructs a court setting, making Moses the judge in front with the staff, the elders similar to a jury, the people the prosecution, and as they all approach the rock, God, in his cloud, is present as the defendant. Instead of extended arguments describing accusations and defense, God�s instructions are simple: with the "god-judging" staff empowered by Himself to "kill" Egypt's god of the Nile in turning it to blood, strike the rock that may have even been inside God�s cloud so that life-giving water will pour out from it. No fairness in sight: simply self-sacrificing love.

A similar situation is presented in Genesis 15. To understand the significance of this passage also requires some historical background. In those days, when a smaller country was conquered by a larger one, the king of the larger one would force the leader of the smaller one into a covenant. The terms of the covenant were generally that the smaller nation would provide the larger nation with certain resources, and in turn the larger nation would prevent other nations from wiping out the leader's nation. This really wasn't the fair deal it may sound like today - in essence, the larger nation plundered the smaller nation every year without using an army. But as a part of making the covenant, the larger nation's king would command that a number of his foreign slaves be butchered, cut up into pieces and placed in two rows. Then the conquered nation's leader would walk through the rows in recognition that, if he were to break the treaty, the same would happen to him and his people.

Well in Genesis 15, Abraham is praised for his faith but appears also to lack some: he wants confirmation that what the Lord has promised will come about. So God sets up a similar situation, promising Abraham certain things about his descendants. Abraham, in cutting up the animals, would have recognized the setup and have expected to walk through, as the weaker one, in promising obedience to God so that the terms of the covenant would be fulfilled. Instead, God Himself walks through, expressing "May I be cursed if these things do not come true."

And the waves of grace continue to flow. God provided everything necessary to free the Israelites from bondage and sustain them through the desert, to bring about the fulfillment of His promises to Abraham, and, ultimately, to provide a just way for sins to be forgiven through Jesus Christ. If you're looking at salvation in a way that puts you at the center, wake up - this great and mighty God is so full of love that He has given and continues to give you more than you ever have or could deserve. Recognize the waves of grace that flowed throughout Scripture and continue to flow in your life and the lives of those around you, and know that behind them is an ocean: an infinite, awesome, powerful God that is worthy of all our worship and all our praise. Enjoy Him.

For a lot of people, the worst part about going to beach is the sand, which has a tendency to get in and on everything. Beachgoers complain about it and do their best to protect their belongings by placing them in bags, showering them in water, and always being careful. My tendency: get as much sand on my possessions as I possibly can. I want to remember this summer, to have it be a part of me forever; may the truths learned and inspirations felt here be like grains of sand washed up by the Mighty Ocean that permeate everything I bring before Him.

In front of our house, there's a dirty old fire hydrant. Whenever an emergency arises, some people use the usually-ignored object with fading paint to splash just enough water to postpone a disaster until next time. I can't help but seeing American society as trying to bottle-up such grace, such a God-centered view of salvation unless it's absolutely necessary, as in when twin towers fall. On the other side of the street is a large stone cross surrounded by flowers. May God be forever praised for providing an eternal foundation for salvation from which beautiful, fulfilling life spreads. And may we ever view God not as One who is only there for emergencies and is otherwise an ugly obstruction to life, but instead as the One that authors and completes the work of faith in the lives of those who rebelled against Him and deserved His wrath. Soli Deo Gloria.

Dreamlike Reality

This entry was originally published at www.xanga.com/redroadhome on 8/8/06.

His faithfulness absolutely stretches to the sky. Excited to get to share some examples of it from the past couple days.

On the spectrum of preparedness, I most often fall on the worrying side: my failures to tread the fine line between unpreparedness and overpreparedness usually come in the form of worrying about a lack of preparation instead of chillaxing to the point of wasting opportunities and being an unfaithful steward. Unfortunately I was somehow cut in two and placed on both ends of that spectrum regarding my trip home last Saturday: I burdened some folks with my worries about how far the drive was and how little sleep I had gotten and how loud my car was, and I burdened others with not acting quickly to work out who I was taking home and who would have to catch a ride with someone else. Sad that such a great summer would end on such a disobedient note – still have a long, long, long, long, long, long, long way to go, I guess.

But God faithfully worked things out. He helped me stay awake, allowed me to enjoy a getting to know Jessica better, provided some Starbucksage, got me home with only a few directions, and encouraged me with the news that Kelsey and Lizz had a good ride back. The super jackpot: getting to spend three weeks taking care of Lydia’s plant Glory, jiggling Jess’s bag of sea shells, and using Hannah’s fan. I made it back, safe and sound, to the best state in the Union after ten hours of driving and eight weeks of enlightenment. I even got to catch dinner and a pizza with my dad before sleeping for eleven hours.

One of the first things people asked about me coming home was, “What are your plans?” I could only answer that I had a heck of a lot of no plans – certainly not a good thing. The danger: cramming a summer’s worth of video games in three weeks. But availability can be just as much a blessing as a curse. My prayer: give me opportunities and don’t let me miss them or ignore them. Paint them on bulletin boards; knock me over the head with them; do whatever you need to do to make me make the most of this time. Funny that that prayer would not have been possible without Lizz: praise God for how much she has to offer and teach and how willing she is to learn and be used.

Church, bright and early Sunday morning. Walk in, grab a bulletin, start to look at the first announcement, and see that the junior highers are going to Geauga Lake, an amusement park, the next day and are still looking for chaperones. While I’m doing this, Andrew Baumgart comes over and starts a conversation. I spent my early high school days in youth group with Andrew. He graduated, spent a couple years in the Navy, and actually was homeless for a while before coming back home to live with his parents. I hope the opportunity to catch up was as much a blessing for him as it was for me. Dereck Holben popped in near the end of the conversation, in just enough time before the service started for me to tell him to, since he was going to be leading worship with the junior highers, let Carl, their leader, know that I was interested in going to Geauga Lake. So within fifteen minutes of doing the first thing since I had been home, I was blessed with a great conversation with an old friend and an activity to look forward to the next day.

Monday was just as full of blessings: got to ride up with Josh, who was my closest friend throughout high school. Now a married man, I got to soak up some of his wisdom and passion (and hope that I’ll be able to continue to do so while I’m home). I enjoyed a day of rollercoasters, notably the junior high girls screaming and Carl posing. The best blessing of the day, though: running into Lindsay Reedy, a girl I had just spent eight weeks with two whole states away. Appropriate roles: always the aware pursuer, she jumped through her group of friends from high school and got awoke me from my need-to-pee-and-get-back-to-my-group stupor. Darn amazing to turn around and see someone you weren’t even sure you were ever going to see again only a little over two days later. And a darn exciting reminder that those eight weeks weren’t a dream that are going to stand alone in time and space: they’re here to stay, with their friendships and lessons and joy.

What else can I do but worship? Glory be to the One who so faithfully provides strength for the weary, opportunities for the available, and reminders for those likely to stray. How exciting would it be to be so faithful, so loving. I hear that He’s working on that in me. Thank goodness He’s darn powerful.

Enjoying opportunities on the Red Road and glimpses of Home.

The Forming Five

Originally published at www.xanga.com/redroadhome on 8/13/06.

Some things change, but some things never do.

Once upon a time, the forming five would fill evenings with fun. Gathering at the Cline residence, John, Josh, Michael, Dereck and I would battle it out in Risk while chowing on some chips and guzzling coffee. Battles would be won and lost, life at Hoover High School would be dissected and scrutinized, and the Lord Most High would be embarrassed at our immaturity and excited for our promise. The strong-willed would even remain awake for some Family Guy episodes afterwards. (For those who don�t know me well, I certainly abstained from the coffee and Family Guy aspects of the get-togethers).

The five reformed this evening, an older group. The setting was the Cline's, but the activities forced us to move outside - we sometime traded Risk for conversation, chips for cigars, and coffee for Sam Adams. The high school conversations were so far gone that they weren't even missed. Instead, we heard about Josh's married life, John's time in Columbus, my experiences in New Jersey, Dereck's excitement about driving a new orange Acura to Pittsburgh, and Mike�s amazing growth throughout the summer.

A changed group, but my helplessness remained. Don't get me wrong - I love the guys and enjoy every minute of life we get to share together. There's simply a communication block, an inability to express the joy I've felt and the lessons I've learned throughout the summer, a helplessness in trying to weave my own excitement and morals in the conversation. So I sit back in quiet amazement at the blessings of others� sharing, the stories that bring laughs to the mouth, memories to the mind, and praise to the hearts of the five intimately connected manly men, sitting around a deck table on a peaceful, sixty degree summer night smoking cigars and downing some Summer Ale. As John gets more and more confused and upset at my silence. (For the record, only four are actually manly men - I'm not quite macho enough to participate in the smoking or drinking. But doing that stuff second-hand is supposed to be more intense anyway, right?)

We've certainly progressed in age, but I can't help but think that, in the larger scheme of things, we really haven't gotten very far. Sure, different jobs, different schools, different girls, but... We'd like to pretend this was a meeting of Christian legends, a group of guys who grew up together and all significantly affected the spiritual landscape of the nation. We recognized the blessings of a great church background, God's gifts in us and His Spirit working through us. And we tried not to forget to be faithful in even the smallest things to which we were called so that He would entrust greater things to our care. The line between childish dreams and Godly hope is too often skewed.

I returned home pondering the situation and doubting much substance would ever come to the five reforming as those who could truly say that they all impacted the nation, made a true difference for the Kingdom. Praise God that people know me well enough to be "trained not to believe [my] pessimism." The problem isn't necessarily our faithfulness - it's my dream. Returning home to an email from a close friend who's grown so inexpressibly much over the past year was the best reminder possible that God cares for and works through individuals. What a shepherd, to seek after the one who is lost, to lead each one through green pastures and beside quiet waters. And I sit in amazement and joy at being able to witness the work: to see God transforming Mike and Deanna and Josh and Kim and Dereck and John, to be invited to participate in each of their lives and be encouraged by what God's calling them to, to be used, even in the smallest ways, to spur these individuals on towards a life of glorious sacrifice for the One who's worthy.

In this fallen world, so much changes, some for better, some for worse, but even in our skewed dreams and frustrating weaknesses, God's love remains constant: constantly sacrificially individually intimately delightful.

Real Emotion

Originally published at www.xanga.com/redroadhome on 8/22/06.

Heartlessness. Just returned from seeing Disney�s portrayal of that quite literally in Pirates II's Davy Jones. Funny that someone so cartoonishly unrealistic would be the character to whom I can relate on the deepest level. In the movie, we learn that Davy rids himself of his heart because of the emotional pain caused by his relationship with his beloved. In ridding himself of his heart, he escaped the pain and allowed himself to become the ruthless controller of the seas.

Fortunately, the process seems to be going to opposite direction in me. Flash back to over two years ago during our week-long InterVarsity retreat at Cedar Campus in Michigan's upper peninsula: In spending hours upon hours with Sarah, Tim, and Rachel getting to know each other and planning for the upcoming year, I certainly grew to appreciate the unique characteristics each brought to the team. Sarah was particularly emotional, showing pieces of pure passion and pure joy and pure sorrow at different points throughout the week, all usually accompanied by tears. One night as Sarah, Tim, and I returned to the cabin, we took a twenty yard detour to the shore of Lake Huron and were awestruck by the beauty of the stars sprinkled throughout the darkest palette above water at peace, crickets chirping away and the brisk air slow dancing with the leaves. Sarah started crying and relayed some frustration at her tears throughout the week.

That reaction led to an important realization within me: that her frustration was ridiculous because her emotions were valuable, even vital to her identity as a substantial, real, down-to-earth, passionate child of the Most High. The problem with that conclusion for me was almost immediately obvious: that it was unusual for me to experience any noticeable emotion, a fact about which I was even sometimes proud. At that point I hadn't cried in over three years, seldom looked forward to anything, and struggled through life because I entered into work with dread and without passion. I ignorantly looked on the bright side: I never struggled with worry or doubt or fear. To people who didn't understand, I actually tried to explain the situation with the heartless allegory: I wasn't coldly murdering people or viciously destroying property around me - I simply didn't have any notable emotional senses.

So you can imagine my surprise when two years later at the same retreat, the song most often in my head was Audio Adrenaline's "Are You Ready for Love?": "Are you ready for love? Are you ready for true emotion? Are you too comfortable to join the revolution?" And unfortunately, those questions were more difficult to answer than they should have been. I was jealous of Sarah�s greater ability to relate and love and feel and give for sure, but it wasn't me - I was the quiet, aloof wanderer who was never brought down by attachments to others or things. In some ways it allowed her to better minister, sure, but I was okay with that. I was comfortable. It took a lot of my own stagnancy in comfort and God's work through others in their passion to truly be able to pray, "God, please give me a heart that loves fully, that fully feels everything from the deepest pains and to the greatest joys and is truly always open to vulnerability and community and emotion."

Don't laugh too hard, but it's been a scary experience - I'm often tempted to return to a life of playing computer games in a closet, exiting long enough to get A's in school, look respectable, and stuff my face. Easy. And utterly worthless. Davy rid himself of pain when he hid his heart, but he also gave up something absolutely central to his life. I'm not always convinced that the positive experiences and emotions outweigh the negative, but I'm finding that, either way, entering into and responding to circumstances emotionally is a central part of experiencing life. Please pray that I would continue to grow in refusing to run from situations of which I'm afraid or uncomfortable and instead share the Creator's grieving and laughing over the current state of His world.

Thankfulfullness

Published on my Xanga on Tuesday, November 28, 2006.

Thanksgiving: I challenge you to journey beyond the question, "For what are you thankful?" to face the challenge, "For what are you not thankful?" And I certainly don't mean to detract from the opportunity to appreciate life's little blessings that are too often pushed behind the curtain of the demands of the Schedule, nor do I want to replace any thoughts about what it means to have a genuinely grateful attitude. But the bottom line is that God calls us to not to give thanks in some, or many, or even most, but in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18). Especially in such an important area, succeeding in 99% of your life means failing in 100% of it - we're all aware about how much power one or two things have to drag down and destroy.

Not approaching the Provider with an attitude of gratefulness because of ignorance or apathy or unintentionality is tragic, but determinedly holding onto an attitude of unthankfulness is horrific. Buried into each life are horrors that haunt, regrets that immediately trigger shocks of pain. But embracing pity parties when such memories surface and "hopeless" situations arise is blatantly wrong. Because in so doing, you pound an "Ignore" stamp on all of God's promises, an "Irrelevant" stamp on your relationship with Him, and an "Idiot" stamp on your own forehead.

Sure, you can easily let this slip by, not wanting to address such issues or initially refusing to believe that you'd ever embrace pain over something better, beyond. Maybe I'm the only one who in cases perversely takes pleasure in pain and pitifulness, encouraging memories to haunt and regrets to fluster and frustrate. But I doubt it.

Paul's letters to the Corinthians are certainly some of the most awkward books of the Bible. Their relationship must have been pretty bizarre, because Paul is always clarifying and restating and referring to past actions and words. But he doesn't give up or give in. At one point in 2 Corinthians after some such clarifying, he chooses to say, "Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it - I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while - yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance."

For one as socially inept as I, awkward relationships with people I care about that I end up hurting are the worst, and I can't imagine causing such pain through both challenging communication and misunderstandings. The hauntingness would almost certainly permanently pull me away from any interactions with them. But Paul is persistent and prays for eyes to see how God would bring about good in something such as that. And he sees it, and claims it, and allows God to turn regrets of negatives into thanksgivings for positives.

Just one simple example that I ran into this semester - it's not the biggest deal, but don't minimize it either: it's Paul's relationship with a large and in-charge Gentile church that he strove to love as God loved, even with regrets and pain and confusion. Choose to pray for eyes to see God's work and claim the good that He faithfully brought about from the most difficult and complicated situations. "What God has not protected you from, He is perfecting you through."