Thirty-two steps; 90 degree turn; fourteen steps; 90 degree turn; thirty-two steps; 90 degree turn; fourteen steps; 90 degree turn; thirty-two steps; 90 degree turn; fourteen steps; 90 degree turn; thirty-two steps; 90 degree turn; fourteen steps... I call it extreme pacing: extreme because it's not in one line, but four that form a rectangle. Wild and crazy. At the same time. I enjoyed a long bout of extreme pacing while waiting twenty minutes for large group to start, discontent to simply eavesdrop on Tim and Emily's conversation about transsexuals. I participated in another lengthy session of it while sharing life with Lizz over cellphone waves, unable to simply sit and talk.
Unable to simply sit and talk: not so simple. I'm on the official international list of worst phone talkers ever, and talking meaningfully in the first place takes quite a bit of concentration for me. It is not simple for me to sit and talk.
Yet I'm forced to think so by the overemphasis of multitasking in today's society. Discussing the horrific effects of equating humans with machines and comparing our behavior to their processes is for a book by someone more intelligent and learned than I. But discussing my frustration in my failure to be able to be satisfied to sit and think or sit and talk, my failure to be content when parts of me are inactive and therefore not living up to their potential, my failure to accomplish as much as possible when there's so much work to be done and so much progress to be made.
But I can't help but think that, for all of our scurrying around, we too often only wear out ourselves and the carpet.
The cure for our problems in this world and the problems of this world is not working with reckless abandon just like the cure for viral infections is not medication: some things can only be left to God to take care of in His timing.
May I apply God's wisdom and truth to the point of choosing the important over the urgent to the point of restoring others instead of exhausting them. May I not try to enact my solutions upon perceived problems but instead strive to understand and participate in God's redemption of all situations and circumstances. May I not be discontent in inactivity but in disconnectedness from the Kingdom.
Forward. Red road home. Be careful who you trust.
1 comment:
I'm confused as to how you wrote this so fast...I thought we got off the phone at 11:30? Hmm. Tres interesant.
I love that in your sharing of the things you struggle with (and deem failures), I feel less a freak/failure and more encouraged. I identify with the oscilating struggle between scurrying and being faithfully productive, and I am joyous to see you working through those frustrations rather than throwing up your hands or avoiding, as I often do. And I am so blessed that your struggle makes me evaluate and seek as well. Praise God for that lovely domino effect.
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