I Want to Think

It's been a summer full of bloglessness and corresponding thoughtlessness. Truth: I haven't blogged this summer - falsehood: I haven't thought this summer. But I return to this place because I need to be challenged to pursue deeper thoughts and completed ideas. Inspiration: "the desperate need today is not for a greater number of intelligent people, or gifted people, but for deep people" - Richard Foster.

But I can't do deepness simply to be deep or intelligence just to appear intelligent or wittyness only to seem witty - the solution can't be to put on characteristics to hide my own. But then all I'm left with is me. And I can dedicate myself to work and pursue great achievements in business and church and writing and music, but I can't help but wonder, is that really what this world needs?

I've been enjoying God's Word poured out in the form of the book of Colossians during breakfasts. In the first section Paul powerfully talks about the goal of the gospel: it's roots took hold in the hearts of the Colossians and evident above-ground were faith, hope, and love. Paul prays for their continued sanctification: that they would "[bear] fruit in every good work, [grow] in the knowledge of God, [be] strengthened with all power according to his glorious might..., and joyfully [give] thanks to the Father." That's a beautiful description of the maturing of a Christian. I love it.

Then we hit " ¹⁵He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. ¹⁶For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. ¹⁷He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. ¹⁸And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. ¹⁹For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, ²⁰and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross." And I get lost.

My first inclination is to skim over this passage, because I "know" who Jesus is. I've "studied" this before. I "understand" what it says. I'm perfectly content to retain any energy I might lose at discovering connections to other parts of scripture or uncovering implications on my view of this world.

Listened to a sermon on Genesis 6 the other day in which the pastor discussed the importance of a God-judge by seeking to prove that all the alternatives had even worse consequences. I need to listen to it again. The question is, when is the last time you appreciated the flood narrative's implications on your reactions towards violence and injustice and your hope in God's justice and judgment.

Easy for me to say, but what I wouldn't give to again have a youthful, active, open, learning, focused mind. In many ways it's appropriate that I lost (at least some of) mine.

There's this part of Hosea that records God saying "Because you have rejected knowledge, I also reject you as my priests; because you have ignored the law of your God, I also will ignore your children. The more the priests increased, the more they sinned against me; they exchanged their Glory for something disgraceful." Exchanged - they wanted to. God gave them what they wanted: no relationship with Him.

Exchanged. A lot of times growing up all I wanted was an escape. I was a good students, I had some valuable friends and a loving family, but I wanted an easier, more fun environment, and I found it in the world of computer games. Simple button-pressing and puzzle solving. Show me some graphics and plop a story-line in my head.

And now as I continue to grow in appreciation for the fullness of life and it's intricacies and beauty, I find myself at a loss to be the bright thinker I once was.

Been looking through Deuteronomy a bit this summer too. Scary part (sorry - it's long): "However, if you do not obey the LORD your God and do not carefully follow all his commands and decrees I am giving you today, all these curses will come upon you and overtake you: You will be cursed in the city and cursed in the country. Your basket and your kneading trough will be cursed. The fruit of your womb will be cursed, and the crops of your land, and the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks. You will be cursed when you come in and cursed when you go out. The LORD will send on you curses, confusion and rebuke in everything you put your hand to, until you are destroyed and come to sudden ruin because of the evil you have done in forsaking him. The LORD will plague you with diseases until he has destroyed you from the land you are entering to possess. The LORD will strike you with wasting disease, with fever and inflammation, with scorching heat and drought, with blight and mildew, which will plague you until you perish. The sky over your head will be bronze, the ground beneath you iron. The LORD will turn the rain of your country into dust and powder; it will come down from the skies until you are destroyed. The LORD will cause you to be defeated before your enemies. You will come at them from one direction but flee from them in seven, and you will become a thing of horror to all the kingdoms on earth. Your carcasses will be food for all the birds of the air and the beasts of the earth, and there will be no one to frighten them away. The LORD will afflict you with the boils of Egypt and with tumors, festering sores and the itch, from which you cannot be cured. The LORD will afflict you with madness, blindness and confusion of mind. At midday you will grope about like a blind man in the dark. You will be unsuccessful in everything you do; day after day you will be oppressed and robbed, with no one to rescue you. You will be pledged to be married to a woman, but another will take her and ravish her. You will build a house, but you will not live in it. You will plant a vineyard, but you will not even begin to enjoy its fruit. Your ox will be slaughtered before your eyes, but you will eat none of it. Your donkey will be forcibly taken from you and will not be returned. Your sheep will be given to your enemies, and no one will rescue them. Your sons and daughters will be given to another nation, and you will wear out your eyes watching for them day after day, powerless to lift a hand. A people that you do not know will eat what your land and labor produce, and you will have nothing but cruel oppression all your days. The sights you see will drive you mad. The LORD will afflict your knees and legs with painful boils that cannot be cured, spreading from the soles of your feet to the top of your head. The LORD will drive you and the king you set over you to a nation unknown to you or your fathers. There you will worship other gods, gods of wood and stone. You will become a thing of horror and an object of scorn and ridicule to all the nations where the LORD will drive you. You will sow much seed in the field but you will harvest little, because locusts will devour it. You will plant vineyards and cultivate them but you will not drink the wine or gather the grapes, because worms will eat them. You will have olive trees throughout your country but you will not use the oil, because the olives will drop off. You will have sons and daughters but you will not keep them, because they will go into captivity. Swarms of locusts will take over all your trees and the crops of your land. The alien who lives among you will rise above you higher and higher, but you will sink lower and lower. He will lend to you, but you will not lend to him. He will be the head, but you will be the tail. All these curses will come upon you. They will pursue you and overtake you until you are destroyed, because you did not obey the LORD your God and observe the commands and decrees he gave you."

Father, I can't pay the price for my sins, but I praise you for providing a spotless lamb whose blood covers me. The consequences of my idolatry is still scary, but I know you call me not to live in fear but to see that Your perfect love drives out fear. May I never abuse or fail to appreciate Your mercy and grace - may I never exchange my Glory for others' empty promises for fulfillment. I pray for your forgiveness for not seeking Your glory with all of my mind - I pray that what is lost can be found - please open my mind again to seeing You in this place. May my identity not be found in my inward depth or my outward achievements or my personal devotion, but may it be found in Your love for me. May I always delight in seeing and walking in Your ways.

"Now all has been heard - here is the conclusion of the matter: honor God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man."